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23 People Who Want To Have Sex With The New iPhone

They’re kind of joking, but just until they see if Apple’s into it. WARNING: Hilariously filthy language.

I know, right? Now tell your friends!
23 People Who Want To Have Sex With The Ne...
Russell Brandom
neondeception @neondeception

#iPhone5Features sex

3:51 PM - 12 Sep 12
Chris Or†iz @Faggolo

I'll buy the iPhone 5 if you can turn it into a fleshlight.

9:48 PM - 11 Sep 12
jon evans @deadathome

#iPhone5features Fleshlight

2:58 PM - 12 Sep 12
Matt Funke @FattMunke

#iPhone5Features You can now have sex with it!

11:38 PM - 11 Sep 12
Max Fuller @maxfullerRX

Sex hole #iPhone5Features

2:27 PM - 12 Sep 12
frankie aldana @frankiealdana

iPhone 5 come out already I want to fuck the shit out of you !!!!!

12:43 AM - 9 Sep 12
|Riley| @Swaggyville

#iPhone5Features Sex

10:30 PM - 11 Sep 12
Mr. No Days Off. @sickolia_

A fleshlight.RT @gitweeta: iPhone 5 to be released later this month. Wonder what features it will have...

8:38 PM - 4 Sep 12
Dr. Drankenstein @AuditoryElixer

The iPhone 5 better be cool as shit.. I'm talkin bigger screen/improved resolution, better Siri, Fleshlight attachment.. The works!!

6:44 AM - 12 Sep 12
Nicholas Gazin @NicholasGazin

@NicholasGazin @tommyrocket other desired iPhone 5 features: Fleshlight attachment, little pop out robo legs, buttons that make it cuss.

1:15 AM - 12 Sep 12
Spencer ritt @Chadbrochill15

Rumor has it that the iPhone 5 has a new feature that doubles as a fleshlight. Any truth to this?

8:35 PM - 7 Sep 12
Jordan Cooper @blenderhd

#iPhone5Features I heard there’s going to be facefuck integration. Finally, a use for the rear-facing camera.

12:26 AM - 12 Sep 12

Some people want a more emotional connection.

A.S. Paul @aspaul

Gently caresses you and assures you that the universe is not indifferent to your crippling loneliness. Also, new camera. #iPhone5Features

1:52 AM - 12 Sep 12
Drew Koshgarian @MostlyPregnant

#iPhone5Features Siri tucks your hair behind your ear, making you feel held without actually holding you

10:58 PM - 11 Sep 12

Others want to make sure their iPhone is satisfied.

Lino @linopolis

Lick to dial. #iPhone5Features

8:58 AM - 12 Sep 12
ʇsınbɐǝSǝʌǝʇS @SteveSeaquist

If you lick Siri till she climaxes, she’ll let you change font size in Mail. (Achievement unlocked!!) #iPhone5Features

6:06 AM - 12 Sep 12

I feel bad that Siri has to deal with this.

INKED™ @AwThatsBenny

#iPhone5Features siri will be able to have phone sex with you

12:59 AM - 12 Sep 12
Sean-Paul™ @Sean_daa_Paul

#iPhone5Features You can have sex with Siri now.

11:35 PM - 11 Sep 12
Mike Helinger @MikeSupaGinge

#iPhone5Features Siri will have phone sex with you in a Russian accent.

12:00 AM - 12 Sep 12
Molly @MollyWYSIB

Siri talks dirty to you #iphone5features

1:47 PM - 12 Sep 12
Micaiah Von Walter @micaiahvonW

#Siri.... you'll be a woman soon #iPhone5features

2:56 PM - 12 Sep 12
Jonathan Bouvet @iJonnyb

RT @michaelkosta: Siri sucks your dick and let's you cum all over her face. #iPhone5Features

7:04 AM - 12 Sep 12

But in the end, it boils down to the same thing.

BaconHuffer @BaconHuffer

I wish I could fuck my iPhone.

3:15 PM - 12 Sep 12

28. UPDATE: From the Verge Liveblog

UPDATE: From the Verge Liveblog

View this image ›

Apparently some gadget writers are also familiar with this sentiment.

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