1. There were tons of cool kids there.
It was basically Burning Man for seven-year-olds. There were grown-up things too (citizen science tools!) but the kids ran the show and they were totally nonchalant about it.
More cool kids.
Here’s some cool kids riding a cool bike.
You see where this is going.
2. Most of the kids were cooler than me.
I live in Brooklyn! I have opinions about David Bowie! But none of that matters anymore. They’re just hanging out building robots all day. No one else stands a chance.
3. I am aging.
Most of the really cool stuff was kids-only, and I wanted to join in and play but I was clearly too big so I just stared into the distance and thought about my life.
4. There was a unicorn on fire.
It has a spigot where its business would usually be.
Apparently it dispenses drinks? Not sure how to feel about this.
5. There were trend-setting hats.
In six months, everyone will be wearing these.
6. There were lots of terrifying robots.
This one too.
I was particularly afraid of this one.
This one was named “Big D,” which seemed a little inappropriate.
7. Everybody wants to talk to the guy who made the terrifying death robot.
Maybe they think he’ll spare them?
8. Some of the robots were nice.
This was the exception to the rule.
9. The cool kids are in league with the robots and they will one day rise against us together.
I think this was the kid from Looper, but obviously I was too scared to ask.
10. Brain control is real and it has fallen into the hands of the cool kids.
Lots of people were using this thing to run mind-control games. It kind of worked, I guess? This one guy talked about playing it all night and not needing to sleep, which made me feel like I was in a David Cronenberg movie.
Here’s what it looks like when you play Pong with it. Apparently it was a lot more frustrating than regular Pong.
After a while, it was kind of frightening too.
“Try it. The sensation is actually quite pleasurable…”
11. There was a celebrity potato gun there.
This potato gun has been to the White House. Have you been to the White House? Me neither.
12. 3D printed dolls are also kind of scary.
I was worried if I asked too many question they would turn me into a doll.
13. I have seen the hairstyle of the future, and it is awesome.
I really hope this becomes a thing.
14. There was a bicycle shaped like a monarch butterfly.
Again, really just for kids. Not that I wanted to ride it around and make butterfly noises or anything.
There was an orange one too.
Also off-limits to boring grown-ups who are incapable of wonder or joy.
15. There was a minotaur.
16. This gross hand was probably the coolest thing.
Good to know there’s a market for computerized zombie hands.
17. The “Nerdy Derby” was awesome.
It took me by surprise. Everyone was just hanging out, building these cars.
This kid won one of the rounds. People went nuts. I think the pipe cleaner was his secret weapon.
This was the main track. Note the cool kids, at right, probably talking about Radiohead bootlegs or something.
18. There was a remote-controlled blue shell.
Still inspired panic, even though I haven’t played Mario Kart in years.
19. Man wrestled machine.
I was into it, although a couple kids pointed out it could have been rigged.
Humanity triumphed, which was nice.
20. This guy was driving a cupcake around.
21. This guy was just carrying around a 3D printer.
It was actually printing as he walked around with it. I guess he was hoping random kids would come up and start poking it? If so, it worked.
22. This happened.
Not sure there’s anything to say about this one.