1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi…
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
11. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”
12. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
13. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: “Keep off the Grass.”
14. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
15. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
In The News Today