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Zombie-Proof Your Home With DIY

Keep the undead out in the event of Z-Day aka Zobiepocalypse aka Zombie Apoclaypse. (There are actually some legitimate home-security upgrades in here, okay?)

1. “Dead”bolt your doors

When dealing with old-school, Night of the Living Dead-type zombies (also known as “Romero zombies,” after that 1968 film’s director) keep in mind that—since rapid muscle deterioration is par for the postmortem course—these guys have less muscular strength than Keith Richards on a bad day. One of the simplest ways to combat them is to retrofit your house with stainless-steel doors. Affordable and impenetrable, steel doors can be a living-dead dude’s worst enemy. Best of all, any dents or dings caused by your heathen invaders can be pulled and puttied with an auto-body repair kit. For added security, forgo sidelights or transoms and install triple-point locks. Zombies hate triple-point locks. Triple-point locks are hard. RELATED: How to Stop Home Break-Ins

2. Board up the windows

While the Winchester Pub seemed like the perfect safe house in 2004’s Shaun of the Dead, it didn’t take more than a few broken windows to cause one buzz kill of a safety breach. Houses with tempered-glass windows rated for hurricane zones, or wrought-iron security bars, will be far better off than those with unguarded single-pane windows. Either way it’s never a bad idea to reinforce windows with plywood for maximum zombie protection. RELATED: Emergency Window Board-Up (Storm Prep)

3. Consider fencing off

Along with Pittsburgh’s three rivers, the only thing that protected the living from the undead in George Romero’s 2005 film Land of the Dead was a giant electric fence. Well, if it’s good enough for the Iron City, it’s good enough for your house, too. If you can’t afford an electric fence, consider building a tough, tall chain-link, wrought-iron, or cinderblock version (at least eight to twelve feet high) around your property. The local zoning board might take offense, but, this is a zombie invasion.

4. Go upstairs, dismantle staircase as you go

Unless you’re dealing with those rare, agile zombies of the 28 Days Later variety, anyone who lives in a two-story house has a better-than-average chance of survival. Most zombies are pathetic climbers, so eluding them means little more than moving upstairs and removing your staircase. Faced with zombie invasion, many frantic homeowners freak out, mindlessly smashing their staircases with a sledgehammer. However, the more preservation-minded among us prefer dismantling and storing them until the invasion is over. Start by unscrewing the newel posts and banisters, then use a flat crowbar to gently pull up the treads and risers. Temporary access in and out of your house can be provided by either a portable fire ladder or a rope. Those living in one-story houses should take to the attic, then pull up the retractable ladder. Anyone unfortunate enough not to have an attic might have to wait the invasion out on the roof until the undead are returned to the hellmouth from whence they came, or rescue crews arrive. SEE MORE: Protect Your Home in a Zombie Invasion

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