. Something about coating your tongue in delicious malic acid until it bled was a wonderful treat. They were called Warheads because they would annihilate your mouth. If you were a real hardass you would see how many of these suckers you could endure at one time during recess. (Permanent taste bud damage ensued.)
9) Crazy Bones: How many times did you whine and moan to your mom that she had to take you to Zany Brainy that night to get another bag of Crazy Bones? Between trading them and flicking them at one another, these little figurines, each with their own color and character, provided endless hours of entertainment, as well as many bruised legs/fingernails. Those things had power in their plastic!
8) Tomagatchis: The invention of the Tomagatchi combined two major staples of the 90s: keychains and inanimate pets. Through tender love and care, we raised our pixilated pets from infantry through adulthood (let’s be real—most of us barely made it through the toddler/child stage), all while sporting a totally fashionable bright pink keychain on our JanSports. They were good practice for the Furbys we would all soon be tending to.
7) Goosebumps: R.L. Stine, thank you not only for terrorizing our childhood, but for also getting us lots of points on Accelerated Reader. The Goosebumps books featured regular kids in horrifying situations and were completely nightmare-inducing, to say the least. Stine even put the horror in our own hands with the Give Yourself Goosebumps series, where the reader got to choose their path of doom. And the TV shows and movies? We still get shivers thinking about the Haunted Mask.
6) Spice Girls: “Yo I’ll tell you what I want what I really really want!” – and what we want is for the greatest girl band of all time to record another soundtrack to our lives. The invasion of the British pop group influenced young girls everywhere, and also led to many playground altercations— “You got to be Baby Spice yesterday! I hate being Sporty Spice!” Plus, they taught us the importance of the proverb “Hoes Before Bros” at a very young age. I mean, come on. If you wannabe my lover, you gotta get with my friends. Make it last forever, friendship never ends.
5) Slime: If Nickelodeon was the God of the 90’s, then Slime was surely the holy water. The Reptar-green colored concoction was featured on all their best “physical challenge” shows (Double Dare, Figure it Out, Wild and Crazy Kids) until it finally got its own daytime TV show, Slime Time Live. Getting that green goo dumped all over you dominated many childhood bucket lists.
4) Beanie Babies: Oh, the Beanie Baby craze. These little plush dolls made by Ty Inc. created one of the biggest frenzies of the decade, and we certainly helped fuel the fire. Their creation of the Teeny Beanies, available only in McDonald’s Happy Meals, most certainly accelerated childhood obesity, but it didn’t matter, had to have them.. Come to think of it, I might have a Princess Di bear with the tag still on it. That would equate to a shit ton of money.
3) N64: Ocarina of Time. Super Smash. Golden Eye. Super Mario 64. The N64 was the console of the 90s. It came in sweet colors and offered rumble packs for crying out loud! It’s a machine that embraced simplicity, and despite consoles today that can link to your Facebook and turn on your car, it is still enjoyed by many. I mean, come on, what was better than renting Mario Party from Blockbuster on a Friday night for your sleepover party?!
2) Pokémon: Gotta catch ‘em all! Yes, I’m aware that the media franchise is still alive and well, but the trading cards? The TV show? Red and Blue on the Gameboy Color? Let the nostalgia soak in. All kids trade these days are Words with Friends usernames and BBM pins. What happened to the days of trading things you put your hard earned allowance into? Pika Pika.
1) Nicktoons: Saturday morning Nicktoons were the bomb, dude. All you needed was a fatty bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and some cozy footy PJs and you could plop yourself in front of that tube for hours on end. The greatest way to grow up was immersed in the playpen of the Rugrats, or in the PS 118 of Hey Arnold!, or in whatever trippy world Rocko was living in.
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