1. You don’t have a Thanksgiving because of Black Friday.
2. You learn that there’s not much difference between the early hours of Black Friday and a riot.
3. You were afraid for your life during your first “door buster” sale.
4. You have to see the tackiest Christmas decorations, rendering you unable to enjoy any decorations you see anywhere else, no matter how festive.
5. And seeing the decorations in your store adds insult to injury since you helped put them up and are going to have to take them down too.
6. You’ve said “Happy Holidays” to customers so many times that the words have lost all meaning.
7. You forget what holiday eats taste like. You’re at work so often you only have access to the mall food court or whatever fast food places are nearby.
8. You can’t think about Holiday bliss because you’re so exhausted from work that you fall asleep on your half-hour lunch break.
9. You don’t see a beautifully wrapped present. You see a retail worker who had to suffer through a 12 hour day wrapping gifts while getting yelled at.
10. You can’t enjoy holiday songs anymore because you hear the same dozen over the course of all the shifts you work.
This song in particular makes my want to bash my face in with a hammer. The Macy’s I worked at back in the day only had about eight tracks on their holiday playlist. This was one of them and my least favorite.
11. You have “no good will towards men” because after seeing grown adults fight over TVs, game consoles, and sneakers you know there’s no peace on earth.
12. Instead of chestnuts roasting on an open fire, you can only think about managers roasting associates over sales goals or customers roasting associates over their coupon not working.
13. Irate customers have called you a “loser who works at [insert store]” so many times that you can’t possibly be cheery about a time of year that makes people so brutal and insensitive.
14. There’s no room in your brain for remembering the fun things about the holidays because you have to remember so many sale dates, goals, and arbitrary coupon restrictions.
15. Management has demeaned you by making you wear stupid holiday outfits.
16. Holiday circulars make you want to vomit.
Thousands of customers have approached you with circulars asking you to not only locate all the items they want from it but to deliver said items to them as if you were some sort of courier. “I’ll wait here while you go get all that,” they say.
17. You’ve missed dozens of holiday parties because you had to work late; the ravenous american consumer never sleeps!
18. The fun has been taken out of buying gifts for your relatives and friends. You have so little time you just buy them stuff from where you work (it also helps that you get a discount)
19. Instead of a “Merry Christmas,” or “Happy Holidays” you get “If you don’t like it you should have gotten a better job…”
20. Customers have the nerve to be rude to you and then ask where your holiday cheer is.
21. You can’t attend any Christmas Eve parties because you have work.
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