Air Bud. A movie about a dog who can PLAY GODDAMN BASKETBALL. My dog just looks at me when I even throw a ball at him.
Dunston Checks In. I don’t know about you, but I can’t remember the last time I saw a monkey do anything but eat its own poop. This monkey made his way into a hotel and stayed there.
Mouse Hunt. Not only did a mouse defy two grown-ass men, but in the process, destroyed their house and got promoted to a position in a cheese factory.
Free Willy. I’m sorry to say it, people: but in real life, this jump would have ended with two dead-ass mammals.
That Darn Cat. Remind me, once more, how a television show AND movie were produced about a cat who witnessed a murder and was needed to testify in court?
Flipper. It’s sad to say it, but the truly incredible trait that Flipper possessed was not raping Elijah Wood. Because, as we all know, dolphins rape people.
Lassie. Not only could this dog understand commands and save his owner, but he did it all without questioning why Timmy couldn’t stop getting trapped in wells.
Homeward Bound & Homeward Bound 2: Lost In San Francisco. That’s right. Chance, Shadow, and Sassy made it home to their owners twice. TWICE. And, obviously, cats hate dogs. So there’s that.
Turner & Hooch. Ok, wait. I’m confused. So, who hired Hooch and how did he outrank Tom Hanks?