1. It’s against the law to buy ice cream after 6 pm. in Newark, New Jersey. Unless you have a written note from a doctor.
So I guess this makes our nights of binge-eating Ben & Jerry’s and watching Real Housewives super illegal.
2. It’s illegal for a man with a mustache to, under any circumstances, kiss a woman in public in Iowa.
Welcome to scenic Iowa, where Movember is the Saddest Month.
3. A pickle cannot be considered a pickle in Connecticut unless it bounces.
But cucumbers are still cucumbers regardless of bounce-icity. Thank goodness.
4. It’s against the law to wash or scrub a sink, no matter how filthy it is, in Baltimore, Maryland.
And lo, a cacophony of lazy roommates used outdated legalese to get out of washing the dishes, and It Was Good.
5. It’s against the law to take a bite out of someone else’s hamburger in Oklahoma.
Finally, a law that enforces not having to share your dang $12 cheeseburger just because your friend has diner’s remorse.
6. You may not walk a dog without first dressing it in diapers in Temperance, Mississippi.
In unrelated news, Temperance, Mississippi is home to the world’s cleanest fire hydrants.
7. It’s illegal to not drink milk in Utah.
Utah, where the maximum security penitentiaries are chockfull of murderers, muggers, and the lactose intolerant.
8. To play pinball in Nashville you have to be 18 years old.
“Pinball Wizard” would’ve been a much shorter song if it took place in Tennessee.
9. While riding in an elevator in New York, you must talk to no one, fold your hands, and look toward the door.
Real talk: the old-timey New York lawmakers just wanted to cut down on awkward elevator chit-chat. Is that so wrong?
10. It’s 100% illegal to shower while naked in Florida.
DO YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF DECENCY.