1. You can dance with playful grace and ease that is uncannily similar to an angel twirling in the wind.
Read: You’re more than just a worm.
2. Your wardrobe is so much more than unironed polos and khakis.
Read: You dress like a glam rock star and you OWN those power leggings, girl.
3. You have a more positive outlook on life because you are a whimsical creature of beauty and love.
Read: When you fall down, you lift yourself up and try again.
4. You don’t have a scraggly unkempt beard and/or mustache because your face has the flawless smoothness of a baby’s skin.
Read: You take care of yourself, face included.
5. You’ve never cheated on him because swooning over Bradley Cooper’s Esquire cover is not considered cheating.
Read: You’re faithful as a bee.
6. You make your own money, honey.
Read: You can’t be his sugar mama anymore.
7. Your friends don’t approve of him because they know that underneath it all, you’re a blossoming flower that has yet to blossom to its fullest.
Read: He’s not letting you grow.
8. You smell like a mix of sweet honeysuckle and cool coconut breeze that makes heads spin for miles upon miles.
Read: You’ve got that pleasant hygiene, sister.
9. Your nails are an extension of your inner fabulous self, and you’ve even been mistaken for a hand supermodel.
Read: You don’t have filth-hands.
10. Your bedroom is reminiscent of an Amazonian rainforest.
Read: Because you’ve learned how to pick up after yourself.
11. You eat your meal one bite at a time, with dignity and poise.
Read: You’re not a monster.
12. You have more goals and motivation because you know you’re destined to be the ruler of your own universe.
Read: You have full control over your future and happiness.
13. So if he ever does you wrong, leave his ass in the grass because you’re a beautiful dove who needs to fly free.
Read: Fly, fly away, pretty bird!