73 Thoughts Every 20-Something Chick Has During Wedding Season

Oh hello, single 20-something females, it's wedding season again. Who you bringing to the wedding anyway? Spalding?!

1. Is this dress too short? I don't want to look like a hussy.

2. I'm not sure who I'm going to see there. I don't want them thinking I still dress like I did in college.

3. ...But I don't want to look a boring, single, librarian...

4. Screw it. I just won't bend over. I'll sit like a lady... because I totally am.

5. Oh God, am I going to know that many people?

6. I probably should have invited a date.

7. But then I would have to introduce him and explain that he is not my boyfriend...

8. ... And that I am still single.

9. Or I could make them think that he is my boyfriend...

10. No. Too difficult to execute. This isn't a romcom.

11. I could call my gay BFF, though.

12. Nope. Again, too romcom.

13. Eff it. I'm going stag.

14. I hope there is an open bar. I'm going to need all the help I can get.

15. I should probably drink a glass of wine before I go.

16. Or two.

17. Or....

18. This shot of tequila should suffice.

19. Surely there will be an open bar. Her dad is loaded.

20. Oh great, I'm late.

21. I hope the groomsmen are hott.

22. Awesome. I have to awkwardly get escorted to my seat by myself.

23. Don't seat me next to the family. Don't seat me next to the family.

25. Shit.

26. I really should have skipped the ceremony and just did the reception.

27. I can't believe they're actually getting married.

28. They had so many drunken fights in college... I give it four years.

29. Oh wow, her dress is so pretty..

30. But pure white, though? That's kind of tacky.

31. The groom is starting to bald a bit... How did they hide that in the engagement photos?

32. I can't to try on wedding dresses... I bet I could find a prettier one.

33. Those bridesmaids dresses are a bit cliché.

34. Wait, what?! She really had HER be a bridesmaid?! They hated each other in college.

35. Come to think of it, the bride was a pretty big slut in college.

36. How on Earth did she get him to marry her?!

37. It's because he's balding. They're settling.

38. Maybe I should lower my standards so I can get married one day...

39. Will I ever get married?

40. Whatever. I really need to focus on my career right now.

41. I can't love anyone because I love me more.

42. Samantha Jones was on to something.

43. FINALLY! Time for the reception.

44. There better be an open bar.

45. YES! Open bar. Give me champagne. And don't stop until I'm in the cab on my way home.

46. I guess I should eat something...

47. Chocolate fountain? How original... Okay, just one strawberry..

48. Oh good, people I actually know...

49. "Nope. Not here with anyone." *Sips champagne*

50. "Nope. Not seeing anyone. *Sips champagne*

51. I should just tell them I'm really into focusing on my career right now.

52. HA! They bought it... *Sips champagne*

53. Is it me or are all of these groomsmen not attractive?

54. Doesn't matter anyway. Apparently they're all married.

55. I swear, is everyone here in a relationship?! *Sips champagne*

56. Whatever. I'm fabulous. *Sips champagne*

57. No. Actually, I think I'm drunk now.

58. YOLO! *Sips champagne*

59. I hate the term "YOLO."

60. I'm definitely drunk.

61. TIME TO DANCE! *Chugs some abandoned cocktail*

62. I should tell the DJ to play some Pitbull.

63. I hope the DJ wasn't mad that I spilled my drink on his fancy equipment...

64. Oh no. Am I becoming THAT girl?!

65. I should probably call my other friends and see what bar they're at. I need to leave.

66. Should I say good-bye to the bride and groom?

67. I think I can fake being sober long enough.

68. I'm smiling a lot. Just keep nodding.

69. I totally think they bought it. Except I think I told her she was pretty too many times.

70. Time to leave.

71. .... But not without this bottle of bubbly someone left on this empty table!

72. FINDERS KEEPERS! * Takes a swig

73. Me = 1, Wedding Season = 0