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1. The Beyoncé Strut.
I had it for a second there...
2. Holding a baby.
No, it's fine, I don't need to hold her. SERIOUSLY.
3. Spa day.
So relaxin — skdljflkjaowehzbnsd
4. Cooking.
It was slippery to begin with, it isn't my fault that it was already slippery.
5. Getting dressed up for Halloween.
Oh, nope.
6. Making a smooth exit.
Oops, didn't see that there, it doesn't even make sense for that to be there.
7. Popping in a breath mint.
Why do they wrap the container in plastic? It's like they want me to...come ON...
8. Working out.
Bruises burn calories, right? RIGHT?!
9. Revolving doors.
No way, good-bye.
10. Escalators.
NOPE NOPE NOPE.
11. Looking effortlessly sexy by the pool.
Who put that there? I tripped over a...who put that thing there?
12. High heels.
Oh hey, no.
13. Sword fighting.
Sorry, let me just grab that, one sec.
14. Relaxing after work.
Home at last, and now — IT'S FINE, I'M FINE.
15. Feminism.
Just give me a Band-Aid, I'm on my way to vote.
16. Jumping off a diving board.
I'm not drowning, no one panic.
17. Giving a toast.
To the bride and gr — it'll wash out, carry on. As you were, everyone.
18. Sports.
I'm faking it, I'm trying to fake out the other team — see? You totally fell for it.
19. Flirting.
Wanna come over here and hold an ice pack against my knee? Mmmmmmmyeah.
20. Playing in the snow.
I really need to buy more rock salt for the sidewalk.
21. Parties.
Oh, oh wow, can someone grab some paper towels?
22. Grocery shopping.
Meant to do that. Joke's on all of you.
23. Chest bumping.
Yeah, bro! Oh, boy...
24. Getting ready to go to a party.
I'M SO EXCITE — ow.
25. Waking up in the morning.
A new day, a new injury.
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