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1. You buy your Christmas tree off the street.
2. Usually alongside a celebrity.
3. But realistically, this is the only size tree that will fit in your apartment.
4. Plus, you know what happens to those big Christmas trees the day after New Years anyway.
5. But it's cool, because you can always go visit this exquisitely decorated 76-foot Norway Spruce at any time of day.
6. Or any time of night.
7. These are the most elaborate outdoor holiday decorations in your neighborhood.
8. And this is the most elaborate indoor holiday decoration in your neighborhood.
9. You're dreading a white Christmas, because within 10 minutes, this beautiful sight:
10. Will become this:
11. And this beautiful moment:
12. Will become this:
13. "Going ice skating in Central Park" actually means "accidentally participating in a touch football game."
14. Busy tourist spots are to be avoided at all costs.
15. Your parents are begging you to go out on the town with them this Christmas Eve.
16. So that you can all watch scantly clad women dance on a stage.
17. Pop-up shops are a gift from on high.
18. This is where you do most of your holiday gift shopping.
19. And you get one of these for yourself while you're there.
20. If you're wearing a Santa outfit on the subway, you're a homeless person.
21. Unless it's SantaCon. And then you're just the worst.
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