The Awl
Be Less Stupid.
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  • The Terrible Truth About Cats & Dogs

    I think it’s good to have a pet animal. I know there are people starving and war and stuff and we should probably focus on humans, but pets are highly therapeutic for a lot of people who are lonely or don’t relate to other humans very well, and…

  • How Lives Begin | The Awl

    I grew up in the East Village, in New York City, surrounded by art. I was young, maybe 4, when I learned where babies came from. Upon leaving the Finnish fundamentalist faith of my youth, I made my parents a promise that I would still attend church…

  • Why Times Square Needs A McWorld

    The first time I wrote a letter to the president of McDonald’s it was about breakfast. I’m not a huge fan of most of the lunch and dinner options at McDonald’s but I love Sausage Egg & Cheese McMuffins and I love hash browns. I have gone into that…

  • What Became Of San Diego’s Newspapers

    The dystopian author Mike Davis once wrote that San Diego—the city where I live, 100 condo-packed miles south of Los Angeles—is “arguably the nation’s capital of white collar crime.” In fact, Davis devoted a book to the claim, Under the Perfect Sun,…

  • Here’s How You Eat Wild Caviar In 2013: You Don’t

    Stereotypical rich people of days gone by, with their brass-buttoned Navy blazers and exotic European sports cars, used to love to feast upon caviar. Why? Nobody knows, but it had something to do with caviar being a weird and expensive thing from a…

  • Tupac Lane Welcomes You: The Street Names Of Las Vegas

    When Tupac was riddled with bullets just off the Las Vegas Strip in 1996, yet another city was added to the long list of those that have claims on him: Baltimore, Oakland, New York, Los Angeles, Marin City.1 As the list’s last entry, Las Vegas…

  • Take A Minute To Watch The New Way We Make Web Headlines Now

    The great menace in headlines in 2011 was that either every headline was “11 Ways to X” or that it was “Y Happens to Z [SLIDESHOW].” You know, whatever our pals at Business Insider and Huffington Post’s Celebrity Sideboob’s page were doing. Well,…

  • Blergh: A Golden Globes Wrap-Up

    I just got done watching the Golden Globes show on TV, and that’s fun, to sit there with some bacon & horseradish dip and say shitty things about people who are famous. Also to make fun of the clothes these celebrities wear, mostly the women,…

  • British People Starting To Hate Facebook

    Do you remember where you were when MySpace lost its spot as the top social network? Where were you when Plastic died? There are early signs today that Facebook, used by many and loved by few, is beginning its inevitable decline. In Britain, where…

  • Why Does Pret A Manger Think Americans Are Stupid?

    The delightful Pret A Manger sandwich shops which have taken Manhattan by storm in the last decade—in the days when they were backed by McDonald’s—began in London. When Pret first showed up here, they went a bit screwy: apparently there was just too…

  • The Apology | The Awl

    You’ll go down there and apologize. You’ll go and apologize now. It’s ridiculous not to, ridiculous even to wait as long as you have to do it. Stupid and petulant and a waste of time to wait here. It was a stupid thing to say in the first place,…

  • What Was The First Thing You Shoplifted?

    Shoplifting is like drinking beer before you’re 21, everyone’s tried it once. So in the spirit of reckoning with the past, we asked our favorite young adult novelists to share the details of the first time they broke the law.

  • Who Is Princess Michael Of Kent?

    To the index of woes humanity was blessedly spared last year—the Mayan apocalypse, a Romney-Ryan administration, the fiscal cliff, photos of Kate Winslet’s third wedding—we must add an event whose absence supplies a faint but joyous glimmer of hope…

  • Ask Polly: Will I Be Alone Forever?

    Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. “Sometimes when we touch, the honesty’s too much.”

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