1. The leftover scraps from the big client meeting that cause a riot at the office.
When a single plate of fruit and pastries is divided up between 300 people, it’s every employee for him or herself.
2. The endless gnawing on your poor, poor pencil.
It’s made from wood, which grows from the ground, so it’s like a vegetable, right?
3. That piece of gum you’ve been chewing since breakfast.
Slow down, Violet Beauregarde.
4. The one (or five) cupcakes that your cube mate brought in for the boss’ birthday.
“Just one is always enough,” said no one ever.
5. Or that can of soda that fills you up for, oh, about 10 seconds.
6. The oh-so-delicious and nutritious string on your sweatshirt.
At least you’re getting your daily… “fiber”… intake? (Nailed it.)
7. Anything that’s up for grabs during the office’s “Refrigerator Cleaning Day.”
8. The string cheese you put in the office fridge last week and forgot about.
Bonus: Everyone in the office loves you again now that you FINALLY TOOK THAT RANCID CHEESE OUT OF THE FRIDGE!
10. Anything and everything for $0.75 in the vending machine.
“But I’m saving so much money this way!” Uh-huh, yeah, sure…
11. Your constant trips to the water cooler.
True, your brain will be filled with gossip… but your stomach?
Nope, nope, aaaaand nope.
12. The rest of your cold breakfast sandwich that’s been chilling at your desk since yesterday.
13. Anything from the receptionist’s candy bowl.
“HAHAHAHHA I LOVE SUGAR SUGAR’S MY FAVORITE HAHAHAHA!!”