The Best Feherty-isms

If David Feherty were a philosopher, he’d be a pretty damn good one. Here’s some of his best advice and takes on life over the years. To hear even more of Feherty’s witticisms—not to mention awesome interviews with the best golfers in the sport—check out Feherty, Mondays at 10PM on Golf Channel.

1. On Exercise:

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“When I was drinking, I tried jogging but had to give it up. Couldn’t keep the ice in the glass.”

2. On She Who Must Be Obeyed:

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“Being on the road has helped my marriage. She has way more time to shop.”

3. On Humor:

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“If brevity is the soul of wit, I quit.”

4. On Complaining:

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“Don’t tell people you troubles, 80% don’t care and the other 20% are glad you got ‘em.”

5. On Demographics:

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“They tell me the Feherty Show is big with women 54 to 74. Great. I finally hit a nerve with women and it turns out to be a hot flash.”

6. On Interviewing Celebrities:

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“Barbara Walters likes to start out easy, then get them to cry. I like to cut the cheese and watch their eyes water…Hey, they’re still crying! Sort of…

7. On Sleeping:

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“I don’t sleep very much, but when I do, I sleep like a baby. I wake up with my foot in my mouth and a load in my pants.”

8. On New Found Fame:

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“Strangers stop me on the street now that I’ve my own show. They still mug me, but now they want an autograph.”

9. On Show Business:

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“I prepare for a show but going into a zen-like trance for several hours. Then I soil myself, followed by a high colonic in a car wash with the top down. Showtime baby!”

10. On Looks:

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“If Phyllis Diller was artificially inseminated by Muammar Gaddafi I’d be their bouncing baby boy.”

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