1. The “Good God, Just Shove a Sock in His/Her Mouth” Award for Stupidly Outrageous and Ridiculously Offensive Punditry … goes to columnist Megan McArdle, for her comments following the tragedy in Newtown
“I’d also like us to encourage people to gang rush shooters, rather than following their instincts to hide; if we drilled it into young people that the correct thing to do is for everyone to instantly run at the guy with the gun, these sorts of mass shootings would be less deadly, because even a guy with a very powerful weapon can be brought down by 8-12 unarmed bodies piling on him at once.”
2. The Astronomically Asinine Headline, Planet Division Award … goes to CBC News
3. The “I’m No Abraham Lincoln Award” for Stupid Attempts at Political Rhetoric … goes to Mitt Romney
“I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that’s the America millions of Americans believe in. That’s the America I love.”
4. The Honorary Joe Biden Award … goes to Joe Biden
“Folks, I can tell you I’ve known eight presidents, three of them intimately.”
5. The How Reading is Cnoindenting Award goes to… the Kindle edition of Blood Relatives by Ed McBain
6. The Celebrity “Oh, Just Shut Up” Award goes to … Madonna
“It’s about finding a man you can look up to, and comparing them to archetypes that I obviously adore—John Travolta in ‘Saturday Night Fever,’ Bruce Lee, Abraham Lincoln.”
7. The Unfortunate Newspaper Juxtaposition … goes to the Daily Telegraph
8. The Inappropriate Animal Imagery Award for Rather Stupid Sex Writing … goes to Tom Wolfe and his Back to Blood
“Now his big generative jockey was inside her pelvic saddle, riding, riding, riding, and she was eagerly swallowing it swallowing it swallowing it with the saddle’s own lips and maw — all this without a word.”
9. The Devil is in the Details Award … goes to WHSmith
10. The Definitive Commentary on Hurricane Sandy Award …goes to Lindsay Lohan
12. The Lingerie Model Big Brain Award … goes to Abbey Clancy
“They [models] have to have brains because they’re paid a lot of money … Elle Macpherson has got her own underwear out … You have to have brains for that.”
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