1. The Workaholic
HABITAT: The library, studying at a desk, or reading the nutrition facts on an energy drink.
MOST LIKELY TO SAY: “Can you do that somewhere else?”
2. The Athlete
HABITAT: Working out at the gym, throwing a football in the cistern, or washing powerfully odorous laundry.
MOST LIKELY TO SAY: “Bro + [grunting noises].”
3. The Party Tornado
HABITAT: Fraternity Row.
MOST LIKELY TO SAY: “I’m going to live forever!!”
4. The Creative
HABITAT: Probably procrastinating somewhere.
MOST LIKELY TO SAY: “People just don’t get it, y’know?”
5. The Loner
HABITAT: The dorm room.
MOST LIKELY TO SAY: “Can’t. I’ve got some really important internetting to do.”
6. The Film Buff
HABITAT: A coffee shop.
MOST LIKELY TO SAY: “blah blah blah trite something something utterly macabre.”
7. The Engineer
HABITAT: In the hardware store.
MOST LIKELY TO SAY: “Great news, dude. I just turned our living room into a disco water slide. Why are you yelling at me?”
8. The Pick-Up Artist
HABITAT: Wherever the action is.
MOST LIKELY TO SAY: “Karen’s coming over with some of her friends. Can you, umm, go somewhere?”
9. The Activist
HABITAT: Jail. Just kidding… but, yeah, maybe.
MOST LIKELY TO SAY: “Wake up sheeple! The government is feeding you lies.”
10. The Outdoorsman
HABITAT: On a fishing boat, or a mountain, or a canopy, or a lake. Anywhere off the grid.
MOST LIKELY TO SAY: “Hey man, smell this deer urine. It’s disgusting.”
11. The Snapbookstagrammer
HABITAT: On Snapchat and Twitter and Instagram and Vine and…
MOST LIKELY TO SAY: “Let’s take a selfie.”
12. The Explorer
HABITAT: Studying abroad someplace that looks really cool on Facebook.
MOST LIKELY TO SAY: “The world is my college, dude.”