24 Things That Happen When Your Roommate Goes Out Of Town

*Roommate walks out the door* *Takes pants off*

Oh, your roommate will be on vacation? For several consecutive days? And you will have the dwelling all to yourself?

“Aww, miss you.” But don’t mind if you just:

3. Ditch all customs and demarcations of human civilization. Dinner in a flower vase? You go for it.

4. Because you won’t have to do dishes until the the very night before they come home!

And they won’t even know! You’ll get all the credit for “keeping everything so tidy” while they were gone.

5. OR, alternatively, if you do clean while they’re gone, you get to live in all of the cleanliness without anyone messing it up!

6. DEROBE. YOU CAN LIVE IN YOUR BIRTHDAY SUIT FOR THE ENTIRE DURATION AND FOR ALL CIRCUMSTANCES :

9. Just walking around, grabbing a snack — NAKED.

 

10. Getting in the shower — NAKED.

11. Getting out of the shower — NAKED, SANS A TOWEL. DON’T NEED IT.

12. Play music. Any genre, at any volume, at any point.

13. Which means DANCE PARTY. ATTENDANTS: YOU. DRESS CODE: NAKED.

14. Pee with the door open.

15. Taste and eat some of their food.*

*DON’T ACT LIKE YOU’VE NEVER DONE IT. Also, only some. Don’t be an asshole.

16. Unleash all your lazy habits. You deserve it.

17. Exercise complete anarchy: leave cupboard doors open and your things in the common-space.

18. (Just, again, don’t forget to pick everything up the night before they come back. Like nothing happened.)

But then something happens…

19. Being free and naked is great, but after a few days, you begin to miss them.

20. And realize your roommate makes up exactly 50% of total social interactions in your days.

21. Until you’re actually counting down the days until they get back.

22. …Well, not until you find the perfect way to welcome them home.

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