My roommate's out of town for the week and so is the version of me that wears pants.
Oh, your roommate will be on vacation? For several consecutive days? And you will have the dwelling all to yourself?
“Aww, miss you.” But don’t mind if you just:
2. And live in your skivvies for the week.
3. Ditch all customs and demarcations of human civilization. Dinner in a flower vase? You go for it.
4. Because you won’t have to do dishes until the the very night before they come home!
And they won’t even know! You’ll get all the credit for “keeping everything so tidy” while they were gone.
5. OR, alternatively, if you do clean while they’re gone, you get to live in all of the cleanliness without anyone messing it up!
6. DEROBE. YOU CAN LIVE IN YOUR BIRTHDAY SUIT FOR THE ENTIRE DURATION AND FOR ALL CIRCUMSTANCES :
8. Going to bed — NAKED.
11. Getting out of the shower — NAKED, SANS A TOWEL. DON’T NEED IT.
12. Play music. Any genre, at any volume, at any point.
13. Which means DANCE PARTY. ATTENDANTS: YOU. DRESS CODE: NAKED.
15. Taste and eat some of their food.*
*DON’T ACT LIKE YOU’VE NEVER DONE IT. Also, only some. Don’t be an asshole.