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19 Penises You Need To Visit Before You Die

These are big travel tips.

1. Knobbe Fountain — Piacenza, Italy

Named after Benicio de Knobbe, famed Italian explorer and womanizer, Knobbe Fountain’s constant flow of crystalline water is a sight to behold. The fountain’s reservoir is adjacent to Italy’s only pineapple field, causing the fountain’s water to take on a slightly sweet, fruity taste. During summer months, children gather in the town’s square to splash about under the cooling spray.

2. House of 100 Wangs — Lublin, Poland

Lublin’s tiny inn, the House of 100 Wangs, indeed has 100 lovely penises showcased throughout the centuries-old building. Most famous are the dong faucets in each of the inn’s dozen bathrooms. Guests can also shower under dick-shaped showerheads, and the only thing the inn serves is plump sausages in mushroom sauce.

3. The Willyberry Fields — Hammond, Louisiana

Willyberries are grown only in Hammond, and nowhere else in the entire world. Visitors to the fields can enjoy willyberry tastings and sample the world-famous willyberry wine, whose secret recipe has been closely guarded for years. Guests who aren’t afraid to get their feet wet can participate in making their own wine by mashing willyberries with their bare feet, feeling the soft berries ooze between their toes.

4. Forbidden Chode Forest — Baden-Württemberg, Germany

Village locals make weekly trips into the Forbidden Chode Forest to gather the rare and delectable chodestools, which are said to promote long life. Folklore also tells of a hideous beast who roams the woods, eager to protect his crop of shrooms. Beware, traveler.

5. Sacred Statue of Megumi Penisu, the Penis Goddess — Hokkaido, Japan

Dick worshippers from all over the world come to Hokkaido’s Daisetsuzan Forest, where they stay for several nights in a quaint ryokan and meditate in front of the great penis statue. Should they reach ultimate calmness, Megumi Penisu herself might descend upon them and grant a single wish.

6. In an aisle of Dude Dragon Deli — New York, NY

New Yorkers claim to have seen it all but few have heard about a rare brand of toothpaste you can purchase on 51st & Lex in Manhattan. The unassuming deli is the only store in the world that carries such a unique formula. Your teeth will never be happier.

7. The Gonad Trees — Blue Mountains of New South Wales, Australia

The endangered gonad trees were almost completely obliterated after being chopped down for use in buildings in nearby Sydney, but the entire forest is now protected and a popular tourist destination. Keen-eyed travelers might spot a golden trouser snake hanging lazily from a branch, but be careful — Australian trouser snakes are highly venomous and supremely territorial.

8. The Great Wangtree — Sexycoolwink, Mongolia

http://sexycoolwink.com

Legend tells of a mischievous young god who shirked his godly duties in favor of bedding human virgins, so in retaliation his parents transformed him in a sturdy tree for all eternity. The tree, called Shodoimod by locals, is a popular tourism spot and the frequent subject of attempted vandalization. In 1997 an American named Julia was caught attempting to carve her name into the tree and was imprisoned for six years in a Mongolian prison.

9. Longfellow University — East Wangsville, Pennsylvania

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Esteemed Longfellow U is one of the top 10 colleges in Pennsylvania, pioneering exciting new majors such as Penile History, Dick Philosophy, and Creative Writing with Your Dick. Of note is the campus telescope, the most powerful telescope ever built. It can spot a penis 8 million light-years away.

10. Steve’s Backyard — Bozeman, Montana

Steve Ellis, a part-time plumber, noticed a unique seed at the farmers’ market one Sunday afternoon. So he purchased it and planted it in his backyard. After 10 years, this special sapling grew to be quite the spectacle, making it a known landmark in the town of Bozeman.

11. Ole Piston Mill — Detroit, Michigan

This building is one of the oldest pieces of architecture in Detroit. During the national economic malaise of the 1970s, saddened citizens often stopped by the happy mill site to restore their faith in faith.

12. “Lustre de Pénis” in the Palace of Versailles — Versailles, France

Among les grand appartement du roi exists a secret chamber only accessible to the palatial staff. It was uniquely made for Louis XIV as a gift by the members of his court, and has since been preserved. The chandelier is valued at $69,699,699.

13. The “Hangin’ Member” Building — Kenosha, Wisconsin

Nestled between a Jimmy John’s and a Home Depot is firetruck-red building. Off the side of it is an upside-down penis. Hanging. Off its side. It’s just hangin’.

14. Jingle-Dong Centre — Regina, Saskatchewan

Jingle-Dong Center (JDC) is one of the tallest buildings in Regina and hosts over 150 company offices (50 in each ball, 50 in the main building). It also has a Starbucks that lets you use its bathrooms guilt-free.

15. The Forgotten Penis Path — Paphos, Cyprus

Legend has it that a Persian prince fled from his home turf and traveled for weeks without food or water. He stranded himself in a desolate dirt stretch in Cyprus and eventually died from dehydration. At his most desperate moments, the prince walked in manic circles then traveled across long distances to seek help. His path paved the outline of a penis.

16. The Chapel Choad — Bath, London

Constructed in 1892, locals have made it tradition to visit the chapel to rub its dickish door handles. Apparently, its magic rust provides a lifetime of protection to all who visit.

17. The Evermore Dong — Nuuk, Greenland

Greenland’s prized piece of Mother Earth also happens to be one of its biggest tourist attractions each year. The “Evermore Dong” (named after its healthy and timeless dong-like shape) appears in a public park each spring, with hordes of visitors flocking to Nuuk just to catch the spectacle in real life.

18. Luigi Fruit Garden — Cartagena, Colombia

One of the prettiest and most lush parks in South America hosts a fruit so rare, there are only 28 trees of this kind in the world. And they all live in Luigi’s garden. A brisk walk through the man-made wildlife and you’ll soon realize what makes this site so breathtaking: Luigi’s fruits.

19. Smokey Hog Head — Longhai, China

Thousands climb the steep mountains just to catch one glimpse of this powerful and mysterious rock. There is no known documentation of how this mammoth rock once erected, but tales that date way back in time speculate a higher being is responsible. He/she wanted to give the world boundless joy for all those who lay their eyes on it.

Disclaimer: Absolutely no research went into the making of this post. Please approach it as a completely fictional travel guide. About penises.

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