1. There is no strength or specialty of sunscreen that will protect you from a tan-turned-intense-burn on the job.
2. You’ve also come to terms with weird ass tan lines.
(If you weren’t a lifeguard, you were committed to a sexy T-shirt one.)
3. That make you look like you’re wearing your uniform even when you’re not.
4. You’ve had to directly handle a poop or puke related incident at least once on the job.
(And, FOR SOME REASON, people are unabashedly more gross in a public pool bathroom than any other public bathroom.)
5. You quickly learn that kids are dirty little monsters.
6. And not only do little kids shit, they are LITTLE SHITS who don’t respect your authority.
7. Kids are the worst. Period.
8. If you’ve worked concessions, you know that people have ridiculous and unrealistic standards of pool food.
9. No matter what position you held, the best and worst perk was the concessions discounts.
Best: cheap shitty food.
Worst: cheap shitty food.
10. (and if you didn’t get discounts, you had that one friend in concessions who gave you the hookup ;-)
11. Your shifts started ridiculously early for, like, the TWO lap swimmers who insisted on swimming at 7 AM.
12. Which meant your night outs were always like:
13. You spend 70% of your days putting away floaties and noodles.
14. You learn that people have no inhibitions about what they’re exposing to the world.
15. You’ll also learn that people lose all logic when they go to the pool.
17. In the summers, you had those sunbathers…. who showed up… every day… without fail.
They should have stopped 500 trips ago.