1.
An important thing to remember - always talk really slowly when speaking to an impatient person.
2.
Not only that repeat your stories!
3.
Go ahead - interrupt them when they're trying to tell you something.
4.
Then spout out an obviously incorrect opinion as though you really believe it. Tell your friend they're wrong when they disagree.
5.
If you're heading out together, walk really slowly. Seriously. Just take your time.
6.
Take forever in the bathroom when you know they need to go to the toilet.
7.
When you have dinner plans, arrive really late.
8.
Then take forever to make a decision about what you want to eat.
9.
If they ask you a simple question e.g. "Was your dinner good?" - just give them a cryptic response.
10.
When they start to get annoyed, tell them to calm down.
11.
And when they respond with "I am calm, you're just - " cut them off and tell them to calm down again.
12.
If you go grocery shopping with them, make sure to browse every single aisle...
13.
... Even if you don't need anything.
14.
Better yet, go clothes shopping with them and try on ALL the outfits. Then spend numerous minutes 'umming' and 'ahhing' over every single outfit.
15.
Take forever to write back to their texts - especially when they're trying to organise something.
16.
And when you do reply, just be annoyingly vague.
17.
Use the phrase "Patience is a virtue" just to piss them off.
18.
Never, ever apologise if you make them late to something.
