BuzzFeed
turtle sex
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Video: Turtle Boners Are Terrifying
Now you know what a turtle penis looks like. And you will never ever forget it.
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Variations On Tortoises Humping Shoes
OK, I get it. Tortoises make odd squeaky noises and have inexplicable attractions to inanimate objects. Especially shoes. But it's time to start being more creative with these videos because they're clogging up Youtube. Here some examples of where I think we should be going with these.
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Video: When Snappers “Do It”
Snapping turtle sex is significantly less squeaky than tortoise sex. But Snappers really have to work hard at synchronizing their swimming.
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Video: Turtle Sex Turns Awkward
Funny turtle stops mating and runs to food. The other one seems to enjoy the wild ride… [Ed. note: Boring sex would be so much better if you were simultaneously eating Late Night Cheeseburger Doritos, amiright?]
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Video: My Boyfriend Has Sex Like A Turtle
Whoa. This dude has sex exactly like this turtle. It's uncanny. Somehow it's way more adorable when the turtle does it.
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Image: Courtney Love’s New Bedmate
Turtles are really big on the internet right now. CLove is just staying relevant. (If that is actually a tortoise, don't correct me. It's dead anyway, what does it matter.)
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Image: “I Like Turtles” Statue
A statue of a boy totally raw-doggin' a turtle. It would be less obvious if only the turtle didn't totally look like this turtle.
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Video: Turtle Orgasm
Some Tuesday afternoon animal porn for you. Seriously…you might actually get hard watching this.
