Culture Buzz How long can you make it through this “Hello Courtney” video? It just may be the worst video in the history of the world. I'm so sorry.
Culture Buzz Sorry to ruin your day, but someone shot a sea lion in the face in Sacramento, leaving the poor thing writhing in pain as he keeps his head in the air, struggling to breathe. Congratulations, Stranger Who Shot Sea Lion In The Face. You are officially a monster. [UPDATE: If you'd rather not watch a sad video, you totally don't have to. -Eliot]
Congratulations for inking the most offensive thing onto your body. Permanently.
After smack-talking America's coastal residents, outspoken conservative Everybody Loves Raymond actress Patricia Heaton managed to make a colossal ass of herself on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?, furthering evidence that the amount of junk pumped into your face is, in fact, related to a loss of brain cells. And note the cameo by Elaine Benes at 1:21 (never stop dancing, Patty!).
Just because Wifey continues to dress him like a tween doesn't mean we won't notice Larry King's eye patch. Which one's the robot and which one's the dinosaur? Place your bets!
Celebrity Buzz Take one part Gotti Bros. one part Jon Gosselin, sprinkle in a date rape, and you've got Bobby Bottleservice, comedian Nick Kroll's top notch d'bag character creation. This brings back vivid memories of my classmates at Long Island's Acqua di Gio Nightmare High. No, seriously.
Style Buzz The skinny jean for men continues to dominate fashion (as designers attempt to push it on bros now, too), as illustrated in one reporter's journey into Williamsburg, Brooklyn - the epicenter of impossibly narcissistic hipsterdom - where denim leggings is the pant of choice. Despite my own personal clueless sense of fashion (which tends to never progress beyond “Hobo Goes Yachting”), I think it's safe to say that pilgrim shoes + visible junk = the worst. Unless, of course, you think your band is amazing.
Straight from the PBS show Many Voices, Many Vision comes this winning clip in which a young Caucasian girl is cursed with “looking like a Black boy,” thanks to her stylish perm. PBS, we found your weakness, and don't expect a tote bag or Three Tenors CD to get you out of this mess.
Politics Buzz Remember Joe “the Plumber” Wurzelbacher? Unfortunately, so do the good folks at Christianity Today, who decided to let him announce that he would never let “queers” near his children. Furthermore, he claims to have gay friends who, despite his opinions, are going to “do their thing.” Wurzelbacher, however, declined to specify whether “their thing” included “eating children.”
Last night, not-so-secret cross-dresser and American Idol contestant scared the sh*t out of America (or, at least, Randy Travis and I) with his bizarre, smug, cheesalicious desecration of Johnny Cash classic “Ring of Fire.” It seems inevitable that the musical theater vet will soar through the competition, but not without polarizing the audience in the same way he completely confused Randy Travis, who claimed Lambert “threw [him] for a loop…although he seems like a very nice guy.” (Southern gentlemanly translation: “…the f*ck?”)