Link: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/...

The Onion reveals the real reason Dobbs quit CNN. “Acting on anonymous tips from within the Hispanic-American community, U.S. Customs and Border Protection officials on Wednesday deported Luis Miguel Salvador Aguila Dominguez, who for the last 48 years had been living illegally in the United States under the name Lou Dobbs.”

Contribute: Add an image, link, video or comment »

“There is no harder thing than to have Glenn Beck outlive your child.” Gotcha Media

Contribute: Add an image, link, video or comment »

One of our youngest American Heroes tells his heartwarming tale. On a side note: The ONN can get really, unsettlingly morbid when it wants to.

Contribute: Add an image, link, video or comment »

A gripping exchange on the brutal “minotaur maze” detainee interrogations. This is the first cable news I've watched in months; I've really been missing out. (Yes yes, I know, “fake.”)

Contribute: Add an image, link, video or comment »

The Best Links:

1. Chart of Mythical Creatures - Featured on BuzzFeed

“If you put a girl in a sundress & french braids in front of the average pedophile, now he's gonna get an erection that will rip his bike shorts.” Classic, essential advice from an ex-pedophile on how to protect your children from sexual predators.

Contribute: Add an image, link, video or comment »

The Onion reports about President Obama's visit to a Denny's in Manassas, Virginia. Things will be different from now on.

Contribute: Add an image, link, video or comment »

A dorm-fire mystery is solved by clever police detectives piecing together the evidence provided by 40,000 insipid party pics taken on students' iPhones.

Contribute: Add an image, link, video or comment »

The Best Links:

1. #fire (the video started a twitter meme!)
2. Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film as Fun, Watchable
3. Apple’s Keyboard-Free Laptop
4. Do Videogames Prepare Kids for the Apocalypse?
5. Via Videogum

Link: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/...

“The studio decided only Bay could be relied upon to deliver a 220-minute cinematic clusterf*ck with enough tedious performances, overblown cinematography, and CGI explosions to make even the most casual fan want to scratch their eyes out.” This is one of those Onion parodies that's going to be funny right up until the point that it comes true.

Contribute: Add an image, link, video or comment »

The Best Links:

1. If Michael Bay Made Cereal Commercials [VIDEO]
2. Fake Michael Bay on Twitter
3. Real Michael Bay on Twitter

Are you annoyingly happy? Despondex could be right for you. The Onion News Network reports on a promising new treatment for excessive perkiness.

Contribute: Add an image, link, video or comment »

The Best Links:

1. Remember, if it’s from the Onion, it’s NOT REAL.
2. Apple’s Keyboard-Free Laptop
3. Do Video Games Prepare Kids For The Apocalypse?
4. Obama Zombies [VIDEO]
5. Standards for Skanks

CULTURE BUZZ: The Onion investigates: Are violent games teaching children the much-needed skills of zombie killing and mutant beheading? Will they be able to find bullet and health packs in the irradiated future we all face?

Contribute: Add an image, link, video or comment »

TECH BUZZ: The Onion brings you the latest on frustratingly inane “technology” from Sony. Warning: There are Christian Bale-esque levels of swearing ahead.

Contribute: Add an image, link, video or comment »

TECH BUZZ: The Onion reports on Apple's newest offering, the MacBook Wheel.

Contribute: Add an image, link, video or comment »

Link: http://store.theonion.com/cards_giftb...

Empty fake boxes — the USB Toaster! the Pro Whisk Set! — are a hilarious gift gag. The real joke: Paying $8 for an amusing, empty cardboard box.

Contribute: Add an image, link, video or comment »

The Onion News Network takes a look at how thousands of Obama-obsessed young people now have nothing to fill their empty lives. Which is crazy, because we totally have plenty to think and talk about, like: what kind of puppy will the Obamas get?

Contribute: Add an image, link, video or comment »

The Best Links:

1. Help Pick a Puppy for the Obama Girls [PIC]
2. Hypoallergenic Dogs: Links, Pics, Videos, and News

Shortly after screenshots of Sarah Palin’s emails were released online, Obama’s Gmail inbox was leaked by The Onion. The Google Ad from monster.com is a subtle but hilarious touch to this obvious joke.

Contribute: Add an image, link, video or comment »

The Best Links:

1. Sarah Palin’s Emails - Featured Picture on BuzzFeed

Nothing is more painful than enduring a real life high school musical, and now there are awards to prove it! If the real Tonys handed out trophies for “Most Awkward Kiss” and “Best Performance In A Pre-Show Prayer Circle,” there is a small chance we would forgive them for this .

Contribute: Add an image, link, video or comment »

MOVIE BUZZ: The Onion has made a movie that will be released straight onto DVD in the near future. According to the trailer, Steven Seagal makes an appearance. We’re guessing it’ll rank pretty high on the Tolerability Index.

Contribute: Add an image, link, video or comment »

The Best Links:

1. The Trailer For The Three-Year-Delayed Onion Movie
2. The Onion Movie -Watch the Movie Trailer
3. Finally, a “Kentucky Fried Movie” for Our Generation
4. It’ll Get Bundled with the Darjeeling Limited DVD
5. The Onion News Video Website
6. How Can The Onion Make The Movie into a Success?
7. YouTube - The Onion Movie - Steven Segal Is “Cockpuncher”
8. The Untitled Onion Movie on IMDB