Paris, at her most flirtatious/drunk, spits some freestyle rhymes in signature baby voice for Snoop Dogg, who seals the deal with his own woozy, creepy lyrical prowess.

Sure, she built her musical career on the “angry chick” archetype, prone to the ills of a society drunk on its own imbalanced gender politics. BUT SHE LOST TWENTY POUNDS!!!!!

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Someone went through the Weeds star’s trash and found medicine to treat underactive thyroid. Classy.

The Best Links:

1. Charlie Rose Has Felt the Burn, Too!
2. “If You Live in New York, Celebrity Or Not, You Know That People Are Going to Go Through Your Garbage.”
3. How Media Professionals Can Find Stuff in the Trash

Britney’s former boyfriend, vagina-chinned paparazzo Adnan Ghalib claims to own a sex tape in which the former pop star wears only a pink wig and only a pink wig.

The Best Links:

1. “Looks Like the Limbo Bar of Human Decency Has Dropped Another Notch.”
2. Expect To See Britney As You’ve Never Seen Her Before, “Except Exactly As You Have Seen Her Many Times Before, Just Looking More Like a Pig at a Luau. “
3. Former Boyfriend and Class Act Paparazzo Adnan Ghalib Comes Clean …At a Cost.
4. “Adnan Claims That He Does Have a Tape of Him and Our Lady of Cheetos Bumping Pork Rinds in Mexico”

The pseudo-famous skank was rejected by Kristy Morgan, a former Playboy model who couldn’t accept Tila’s “key,” a.k.a. “the opportunity to prove that Tila is so totally bi [on camera].”

The Best Links:

1. Kristy Morgan: In Next Month’s Playboy (Weird Timing, Huh?)
2. So Why Was Playboy Model Kristy Morgan On a Widely-Watched Show in the First Place?
3. Tila is Ready to Move On …To More Attention-starved Bisexuals

Gould, a former Gawker blogger, has written a front-page feature for The New York Times Magazine to enlighten the 40+ set in the ways of Blog Love.

The Best Links:

1. Emily Gould’s Blog Mouth
2. Emily Gould Asks NPR, “Am I A Narcissist?”
3. Q&A With Emily Gould (After the Fact)
4. Emily Gould, “Exposed”
5. Joshua David Stein: The Ex!
6. Emily Gould Will Not Let Us Ignore Her
7. Emily Gould Introduces Oversharing To The New York Times Magazine
8. Emily Gould Takes One for the Jews?
9. Jimmy Kimmel Vs. Emily Gould: Sh*t Went Down
10. Gawker Overlord Nick Denton Breaks Down Gould’s Relationships
11. This Is Totes Going To Be A Diary Entry
12. Heartbreak Soup, Where Gould Secretly Penned About Her Interoffice Romance
13. Emily Has A Blog “So You Don’t Have To”

Mel Gibson took Britney Spears (and her dad?!) to his home in Costa Rica for a little R&R.

The Best Links:

1. “A Drunken Racist and a Bipolar Hillbilly Board a Private Plane…”
2. Top 10 Things Overheard at Dinner with Britney Spears and Mel Gibson
3. The Friendship Allegedly Blossomed When the Gruesome Twosome Ate Russian Together in March
4. “Plague of Frogs is Next, You Say? Neat.”
5. Sometimes, a Drunken Bigot and a Mentally Ill Baby Machine Just Need Some R&R, Y’know?

Rumors quickly swirled about Mariah Carey’s engagement to actor Nick Cannon, but apparently they’ve since been married at her home in the Bahamas.

The Best Links:

1. For Our Readers Who Don’t Watch Nickelodeon, Here’s the Scoop On Nick Cannon
2. Wedding Rumors Confirmed By …Nick’s Mom
3. “These Two Kids Have Nothing But 800 Million Dollars and a Heart Filled With Love”
4. Mimi’s Ring: “58 Intense Pink Diamonds and 2 Half-Moon Diamonds” [All Class]
5. Mariah And Nick Cannon’s Whirwind Romance