Your favorite iPhone app just got a hardcore upgrade.

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1. Roger Maris

   

   Don't feel too bad for Maris, he was probably juicing long before McGwire stole his record. Let's be honest, he had 61 home runs before McGwire broke his record. If he didn't do that with the help of steroids, how the hell did he do it? Anabolic steroids use also increases the risk of cancer and Roger Maris died from cancer in 1985, so that hardly seems like a coincidence.

2. Michael Jordan

   

   Athletes who use amphetamines experience increased levels of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain which leads to euphoria, a feeling of floating or flying. Michael Jordan was famous for his incredible hang time, where he would seemingly float through the air before making a slam dunk. Also, when people are coming off of amphetamines, they experience stimulant psychosis, and they hallucinate a combination of fantasy, memory, and reality (see: Space Jam).

3. Wayne Gretzky

   

   When you play an aggressive game like hockey as well as The Great One, it's obvious that you have to be taking a lot of painkillers to make it through all three (three?) periods. Painkillers also lower inhibitions and lead to poor decision making, hence Gretzky playing for the New York Rangers and coaching for the Phoenix Coyotes.

4. Lance Armstrong

   

   Lance Armstrong has struggled with doping accusations throughout his entire career for a reason: He is probably doping. As we learned with Maris, steroids use puts you at risk for cancer, and Armstrong was diagnosed with level 3 testicular, abdominal, and lung cancer in 1996. After having one testicle removed, Armstrong went on to win the Tour De France a record-breaking 7 consecutive times, which can most likely be attributed to his cancer treatment medication, and new streamlined crotch.

5. Peyton Manning

   

   Peyton Manning has a laundry list of drug use in his past (probably). From his heroin-fueled (I'm guessing) sexual harassment lawsuit from Jamie Ann Naughright in 1996, to his 2009 MVP season that he (might) claim to not even remember thanks in part to all the peyote (I'm assuming). Allegedly, it's easier to list the drugs Manning hasn't taken than the ones he has (in all fairness, that is my own allegation, and it's totally unfounded).

You might recognize him by the mustache, glasses, and the palpable tension in the moment when he's seen sketching a six-year-old bodybuilder after traveling 2,000 miles and camping out in front of the kid's house for the privilege of drawing him .

Standing for human growth hormone, it claims to increase metabolism, muscle mass, and even increase height. The big scandal is that New York Yankees pitcher Andy Pettitte has admitted to using human growth hormone in 2004. Debbie Clemens also gets outted by her husband for using it to get ready for a Sports Illustrated shoot.

The Best Links:

1. What You Need to Know Before Roger Clemens Testifies Before Congress Tomorrow -
2. Live Blogging the Congressional Hearings
3. See Photos, Video and a Biography of Debbie Here
4. Is it Legal?
5. Does it slow the aging process? Get the Facts
6. Growth hormone on Wikipedia
7. “Did Debbie Clemens grow younger with HGH?”
8. “McNamee seems like such a low-life.”
9. What You Really Want to See: Debbie Clemens Autographed “Sports Illustrated” Photos
10. Roger Clemens Outs His Own Wife, Declared Batsh*t Crazy
11. Who’s Lying? Roger Clemens or Brian McNamee?
12. What Really Happened at a Jose Canseco Party?
13. Brian McNamee Injected Roger Clemens With Performance-enhancing Drugs More Than He Previously Claimed
14. Andy Pettitte Admits Using HGH in 2004, Saying He Got Drug from His Father
15. The Real Truth About HGH