31 years old, unemployed, living with his parents, thousands of dollars worth of hentai porno… This guy's got it all figured out.

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The crazy kids at Something Awful uncovered this beyond-terrible porno parody of Super Mario Bros. featuring Ron Jeremy as Squeegie, a computer program who - with his brother, Ornio - gets stuck inside the computer (and a boatload of vaginas - HEY-O!). Squeegie eventually rescue the princess from King Pooper (!) by “throwing him in a bathtub and turning him to smoke,” which should give you a pretty good idea about how much you want to own this.

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The Best Links:

1. Get the Full History

The newest topical porno to hit the shelves? Based on America's favorite mother, Octomom , now we have “Coctomom” — whose moniker bares resemblance to the original with a quirky porno twist. You know you've really hit the big time when a porno is made in your honor.

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The Best Links:

1. Coctomom Official Site [definitely NSFW]
2. Coctomom- An X Rated Feel-Good Family Movie?
3. “Coctomom”: Coming To An Adult DVD Rental Near You!
4. Octomom Pics: What 8 Babies Look Like [PIC]
5. Vivid Offers Octomom $1 Million to Appear in Porno!
6. Octomom ™

TECH BUZZ: After hosting a PornStar TweetUp, Naughty Tweet (the people who brought you PornStar Tweets ) and Immoral Productions are coming together to create a Twitter porno — featuring only pornstars who actively twitter. This is revolutionary! Do you think @Oprah would be interested?

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The Best Links:

1. via The Daily What
2. Naughty Tweet and Immoral Productions Team for Porn Star Tweet Movie
3. PornStar Tweet on Twitter
4. Pornstar Tweet!

First, they did it to Seinfeld . And now classic sitcom Happy Days is getting repackaged (!) as a porno flick. Until Ron Howard and Henry Winkler finally collaborate on that “Eiffel Tower” project they've been talking about for all these years, this will have to tide you over.

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The Best Links:

1. Finally, Fonzi Is Gonna Get Laaaayyee’d
2. “Watch The Fonz Work His Magic With the Ladies…including One You’d Never Expect!”

Major porn studio seeks Sarah Palin lookalike ASAP! Here is the Craig's List posting. I wonder what the movie will be called? Any ideas?

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CELEBRITY BUZZ: In October, Elizabeth Banks will be playing both a porn star and first lady Laura Bush within a two week span at the movies. In Oliver Stone’s W , Ms. Banks plays the very non-pornographic Laura Bush, where she gets to be “a character actor in a leading lady’s body”. Then, a week later, she takes her clothes off in Seth Rogan’s Zack and Miri Make a Porno .

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The Best Links:

1. Unfortunately Not As One Character
2. The ‘Porno’ actress playing Laura Bush
3. Elizabeth Banks flits from first lady to `Porno’
4. Judd Apatow vs. Kevin Smith
5. Elizabeth Banks is F*cking Seth Rogen

CULTURE BUZZ: A new cultural meme: Masturbation=cheating. Your online porn habit may mean more than you think.

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The Best Links:

1. A Different Kind Of “Office Affair”
2. Mastubation: The New Infidelity?
3. Is Pornography Adultery?

Photographs of trees that look oddly sexual. Hot slutty teenage trees hard anal cum shots! Get your tree porn here.

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The Best Links:

1. Nice Gallery of Spread Legs And/Or Trees
2. A Tree That Looks Like A Naked Chick Edition
3. Dirty Trees F*cking
4. 30 Creepiest Trees on Earth Photos (Not Tree Porn, But Still…)

CULTURE BUZZ: A series of photoshopped images of animals in sexy poses. Don't worry, the images are safe for work — it's really more like soft-porn. There is something about the sight of a coquettish camel and cow straddling a fence that is just hilarious.

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The Best Links:

1. Zoophilia pr0n?
2. Animal Porn - Not What You Think, But So Amazing

CULTURE BUZZ: Hundreds of millions of YouTube views go to “fake porn” videos that actually don’t show anything sexy at all. Clever YouTube users have figured out how to get huge traffic for the videos they upload. Just post a political rant, give it a hardcore sex title, add a provocative thumbnail image, and millions of people will click to your video! The trick is to include the sex image at exactly the place in the video where YouTube auto-grabs the thumbnail image. One video has over 67+ million views but is mysteriously absent from YouTube’s list of most viewed videos . I guess they don’t want us to know that 87% of all YouTube traffic is from people searching in vain for porn.

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The Best Links:

1. “XXX PORN XXX” Actually Anti-Government Political Rant (Over 67 Million Views!)
2. “Finally, Youtube Allows Sex! TRUE UNCENSORED TEEN PORN!” (22 Million Views)
3. “Naked Chicks!” Haha. 16 Million Views.
4. “Britney Spears Topless (sic) Photos” Gets 26 Million Views!
5. “Extream Sex!” is Actually Facts About Poverty and World Hunger
6. ASS: Accidental Porn Searcher (20 Million Views For “Webcam Tease”)
7. Cuban Ripping on Gootube…. Again
8. Cuban on YouTube Fake Porn…Again
9. “Sexy Nude Naked Wet Teen Sex” is Actually Lecture from Kid Who Does Not Want Porn On YouTube
10. This One Actually Is Porn, Wonder How Long Until YouTube Takes It Down?!
11. Mark Cuban Criticizes YouTube’s Fake Porn

SCIENCE BUZZ: Animals having sex has never been so cute or mindwarpingly hot. Hopefully this will inspire someone to make a porn version of cuteoverload.com .

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The Best Links:

1. Super Nasty Video of Chihuahua Giving Pitbull Head (NSFW)
2. The Orangutan Sex Slave
3. Cute Dog Threesome on The Beach!
4. Bestiality restaurants show how twisted animal porn can get
5. Harry Potter Naked With a Horse!
6. Bigfoot Pleasuring a Unicorn
7. Masturbating Cat Set to Indian Dance Music
8. Dog Sex Puking
9. Bee Porn Film Features “Honey Shot” haha
10. Turtle Orgasm [VIDEO]
11. Pandas watch panda porn to get in the mood
12. FutureSex/Love Mating Ritual
13. Ape Rape - The Future of TV
14. Iguana Has Had an Erection for Over a Week
15. Whale Pornography in NY Times Magazine
16. Techy Animal Porn
17. “Pornstar Pets” The Movie!
18. Hedgehog Having Sex with a Sponge
19. $100 Laptop More Like the $900 Laptop
20. Turtle Rape Disarmingly Strange, Cute
21. Conan’s Hot Manatee-on-Manatee Action
22. Gay Animals Freely Indulge in Gay Sex at Norwegian Museum
23. Bestiality Legalized in Denmark
24. “Panda Porn Perfectly Prompts Panda Pregnancies!”
25. “Goats found spray-painted, surrounded by porn”
26. Turtle Sex Picture
27. Cats Do it in a Tree