Porn-blocking software ads from Germany create idyllic scenes out of smut. Santa always made me feel a bit dirty anyway. And don’t get me started on “candy cane”.

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The Best Links:

1. “Give the Internet back its innocence?” When was that? 1959?

TECH BUZZ: Will porn be the secret engine that drives 3G iPhone sales? Cellphone pornography still hasn’t become big in the U.S., but Time writes about “the coming pornucopia” of mobile porn via the new iPhone. 3G plus multi-touch, hello!

The Best Links:

1. 3G Means Porn All The Time
2. Increased iPhone Porn Traffic from Google Trends
3. Porn As Been a Part of the iPhone’s Allure Since Its Earliest Days
4. Porn plus Multi-Touch Screen Equal Yikes
5. There’s a Pun Here: “iPhone Porn, A Growth Industry”
6. Mobile Porn Still Has Yet to Take Off the in U.S.

TECH BUZZ: The making of vaguely pornographic Spore characters — yes, Goatse was only the tip of the iceberg — is being banned by EA. From release to porn in less than 48 hours! If you’re curious, best be checking these videos out soon, before they’re all pulled down (and new ones go up in their place). EA says, “Whether it’s modeling clay, dolls or crayons, a small number of people can be counted on to use it for something inappropriate.” So true!

The Best Links:

1. Horny Little Creature
2. Sporn Forums — Upload Your Spore Porn
3. DISGUSTING CREATURE!
4. Dongzilla: Autonomous Penis
5. Giant Cock Monster
6. Penis Creature Tries and Tries To Blow Himself
7. NSFW: A Beginners Guide To Sporn
8. Banhammer Drop on Spore Porn by EA
9. Horny Gamers Should Never Be Underestimated
10. Blue Creatures That Really Like Each Other

CULTURE BUZZ: Hundreds of millions of YouTube views go to “fake porn” videos that actually don’t show anything sexy at all. Clever YouTube users have figured out how to get huge traffic for the videos they upload. Just post a political rant, give it a hardcore sex title, add a provocative thumbnail image, and millions of people will click to your video! The trick is to include the sex image at exactly the place in the video where YouTube auto-grabs the thumbnail image. One video has over 67+ million views but is mysteriously absent from YouTube’s list of most viewed videos. I guess they don’t want us to know that 87% of all YouTube traffic is from people searching in vain for porn.

The Best Links:

1. “XXX PORN XXX” Actually Anti-Government Political Rant (Over 67 Million Views!)
2. “Finally, Youtube Allows Sex! TRUE UNCENSORED TEEN PORN!” (22 Million Views)
3. “Naked Chicks!” Haha. 16 Million Views.
4. “Britney Spears Topless (sic) Photos” Gets 26 Million Views!
5. “Extream Sex!” is Actually Facts About Poverty and World Hunger
6. ASS: Accidental Porn Searcher (20 Million Views For “Webcam Tease”)
7. Cuban Ripping on Gootube…. Again
8. Cuban on YouTube Fake Porn…Again
9. “Sexy Nude Naked Wet Teen Sex” is Actually Lecture from Kid Who Does Not Want Porn On YouTube
10. This One Actually Is Porn, Wonder How Long Until YouTube Takes It Down?!
11. Mark Cuban Criticizes YouTube’s Fake Porn

A book about a porn star has multiple trailers. Author of Fight Club Chuck Palahniuk comes up with a marketing campaign for his upcoming book that involves fake 70s porn trailers. The book comes out May 20th.

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The Best Links:

1. As If This Book Even Needed a Marketing Campaign
2. Pre-Order the Book from Amazon
3. Trailer For Cassie Wright’s “Chitty Chitty Gang Bang”
4. Check out her MySpace Page
5. YouTube Trailer - The Wizard of Ass - Dorothy is Not a Virgin Anymore
6. The Second YouTube Trailer - Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Bang
7. Chuck’s Site
8. YouTube - Chuck Palahniuk Interviews Cassie Wright - Part 1
9. YouTube - Chuck Palahniuk Interviews Cassie Wright - Part 2
10. YouTube - Chuck Palahniuk Interviews Cassie Wright - Part 3
11. Chuck Has Another New Book Called “Pygmy”

CULTURE BUZZ: Porn for the Blind is a not-for-profit organization dedicated to producing audio descriptions of sample movie clips from adult web sites. The site is NSFW, unless you’ve got headphones! This might actually be the perfect office porn.

The Best Links:

1. Tango Mag Contributor Contributes to Porn for the Blind
2. Porn for the Blind - Official Website
3. “Big Sausage Pizza” is not to be missed.
4. This is Retarded Because Blind People Don’t Surf the Internet