The U.S. consumes a quarter of the world’s oil. Where does it all go? Hi, Texas! Actually, on a per capita basis, Alaska is the biggest user of oil, but don’t tell Governor Palin that.

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A weird correlation appears when you compare the last 60 years of U.S. oil output to Rolling Stone’s list of the 500 greatest rock songs of all time. And no amount of drilling in Alaska is going to bring back the music of the ’70s.

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The Best Links:

1. Have We Passed Peak Rock?

POLITICS BUZZ: Government official within the Interior Department traded sexual favors and illegal gifts for access to key contracts. The scandal centers around the Denver Minerals Management Service office, which sounds more like a frat house than a branch of government — skiing holidays, cocaine, body shots, and lots and lots of sex (we made up the cocaine and body shots).

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The Best Links:

1. How Will The Candidates React?
2. “Sexual Relationships” And “Alcohol Abuse” Characterize The Sex For Oil Scandal
3. “A culture of ethical failure”
4. Sex For Oil Scandal At Interior Department Sounds Like A Party

BUSINESS BUZZ: Exxon posts a record profit for the last quarter; Shell, meanwhile, made a measly $11.6 billion. It’s the highest quarterly profit of any publicly traded company in the U.S. ever. And it would have been $11.97 if it weren’t for that pesky Exxon Valdez court settlement!

The Best Links:

1. Somehow, This Fell Short of Wall Street’s Expectations
2. Exxon Actually Fell Short of Its Own Estimates

Canada is the United States’ #1 source of foreign oil. Does this mean we can finally send troops across the Canadian border? A few Mounties are the only thing preventing America’s energy independence.

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The Best Links:

1. Canadian Oil Even Worse For Environment Than Regular Oil
2. The Great Oil Sands of Canada: Vast But Expensive To Recover
3. Canadian Oil: “Ugly, Dirty, and Hard to Refine”
4. Canada’s Oil Comes From Oil Sands In Alberta
5. Canadian Oil Production Is A Big Deal
6. Via Digg

ABC News consumer reporter and walking mustache John Stossel appeared on Larry King Live, calling oil companies “heroic” for transporting their product. Yep. YouTube user notreallydoug puts Stossel’s word to the test, recognizing other products whose overlords should be heralded for things like, you know, making sure stuff doesn’t blow up.

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The Best Links:

1. John Stossel: A**hole F**kface

SCIENCE BUZZ: Insects genetically engineered to excrete crude oil: Environmentally friendly or just a greedy new way to produce oil? Bug doody is one milkshake we imagine Daniel Plainview would not drink up.

The Best Links:

1. “The Energy Crisis is Something [Our Children] Are Going to Face. We Have a Collective Responsibility to Do This.” “
2. There Will Be Poop (And Oil)
3. Ok, the Scientific Term for “Oil Poop” is Actually “LS9”