Within just one year, Dave Vontesmar of Arizona has racked up ninety speeding tickets, each offense caught on photo radar, despite his attempt to trick the authorities by consistently sporting a monkey mask. After ninety tickets, you'd think he'd have been removed from the road and placed back in the wild by now.
Culture Buzz Forty plants went missing after a stint of robberies at a plant store in Texas, and the guilty duo caught on camera featured a dude and his monkey. A monkey thief. The business owner asked police not to pursue investigation because she found the incident “humorous.” And LOL Award of the Year goes to…that lady!
Celebrity Buzz Not that you didn't know MJ had a wide variety of famous friends, but he literally knew everybody moderately famous in 1989 and included them in this video for “Liberian Girl,” from Debbie Gibson to Sherman Hemsley to - YES! - Jasmine Guy! So much of this makes so little sense: Who is Malcolm-Jamal Warner talking to? Why is Steven Spielberg so pissed? WHO INVITED RICHARD DREYFUSS??? (via Late Night)
These pics from the World Wildlife Fund capture the moment when a mother orangutan catches a rope thrown to her by humans in order to bring her baby to safety. Click through for the full story.
In an adorable ditty sung in a stairwell, crooner Jonathan Mann explains the three rules of the Internet. This is song #10 in his goal to write a song for every day in January. So, LOLcats and hot chicks? Don't take it personal.
“Sex Kittens Go to College” is a forgotten but clearly awesome classic film that also co-stars Elektro, “the world's first celebrity robot.” After his appearance in the 1939 World's Fair, Elektro had fallen out of the public eye, so he tried to revive his career by appearing in a movie about, well, sex kittens who go to college. Apparently there is a scene where the robot and a monkey watch some of the sex kittens strip. Genius!
Just in case you're not clear on the pecking order, here's a handy chart that's been doing the rounds today. It's like paper rock scissors, except with more senseless violence. (Via).
Three monkeys in China fight back after being abused by their trainer. The man was apparently beaten senseless, which is gruesome except that he asked for it. Anyway, don't mess with monkeys.
Food Buzz Bananas are flying off the shelves in Japan as a new fad diet - in which one eats a banana for breakfast with a glass of room temperature water, abstains from dessert, and goes to sleep before midnight - gains popularity. No wonder Curious George always looks so svelte. He’s been doing it right all along!
Two tiger cubs separated from their mother during a hurricane are now being cared for by a chimp named China. Only nature haters wouldn’t like this. Go to the source for more pics.
Culture Buzz A tavern in Japan has outsourced their waitstaff to a couple of monkeys working for Soya Beans. Can’t say the restaurant would pass some of the basic health code standards, but supposedly the monkeys are rather attentive. Unfortunately, this idea will only work until the monkeys snap one day and realize they need to get a real job.
OMG a wheelbarrow full of baby orangutans! And they are orphans. Click the image for the whole sad story.
In the tradition of Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians, this new website recognizes folks who look like our furry brothers in evolution. Sure, this photo of cricket player Andrew Symonds suspiciously brings to mind blackface, but on a site that compares the same dude to Bindi Irwin, it seems like anyone and everyone a target.
Culture Buzz A monkey raised hell in one of Tokyo’s busiest subway stations on Wednesday. It took 30+ police officers to get him out. The crazy thing is that this is the third time a monkey has stirred up trouble in Tokyo this month! Tokyo in general is a pretty unique place, but there’s nothing more exotic than an infestation of monkeys.
Culture Buzz People adopt monkeys and treat them like children. This is only slightly more tolerable than people who treat their chihuahuas like human beings.
Oh so cute!!!! It’s a white-naped mangabey monkey, recently born at the London Zoo. After complications during the birth, it’s being raised by a zookeeper and a teddy bear.
A monkey/robot hybrid! The end times are here. Two lab monkeys with brain implants have successfully learned to control robotic arms with only their minds (one shudders to think how their arms were originally lost).
Clip from a Japanese TV show features a monkey bartender. As the human race de-evolves, monkeys will one day inherit the earth.
Culture Buzz These photos of fat monkeys with saggy boobs were just too good to not share with the world. Plus, it’s a really slow day. Hot monkeys with D-cups are sure to satisfy all of your animal porn fantasies.
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GOING VIRAL ONThe Bad Girls Club Season 4
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