Martha wouldn't watch her if you paid her. She really hates her.

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TV BUZZ: The lovely-as-always Martha Stewart provides some fun and interesting tips on decorating one's queefs, on last night's South Park . It's a good thing.

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The Best Links:

1. South Park: Martha Stewart Queefs
2. Martha Stewart Queef Southpark
3. Eat, Pray, Queef

CELEBRITY BUZZ: Martha Stewart's new Chow puppy died yesterday in a propane explosion. Saying “puppy” and “propane explosion” in the same sentence is actually worse than plain “killing kittens” or “hating babies” or whatever. It's like the archetype of sad.

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The Best Links:

1. Martha announces the sad news.
2. More pictures of Genghis Khan and family
3. Martha Stewart names her new chow.
4. Owen Thomas makes a heartless joke.
5. Martha Stewart’s Dogs Are Blogging - Featured on BuzzFeed

CELEBRITY BUZZ: Francesca and Sharkey, Martha Stewart's French Bulldogs, are blogging at The Daily Wag . Martha Stewart gets all the money ever and dogs so cute our heart bursts?

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The Best Links:

1. The Daily Wag - Martha Stewart’s Dogs’s Blog
2. Newest Blog Crush? Martha Stewart’s French Bulldogs
3. Martha is Tweeting at Everyone About Her Doggy Bloggers

Snoop Dogg shows Martha how to make his famous “Cognac Mashed Potatoes.” This is kind of endearing, like in any scene in any Wayans Brothers' movie when old white people try to talk all ghetto.

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The Best Links:

1. YouTube - Snoop Teaches Martha 5 New Words to Learn
2. YouTube - Snoop Dogg on Martha Stewart Part II

Martha Stewart shows off a 15-foot-long hot dog. Her quip: “For those of you who don’t think length matters, I disagree -– especially when it comes to wieners.” Creepy.

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CELEBRITY BUZZ: The pet chow of Martha Stewart has passed away and is remembered in a photo essay on his famous owner’s blog. For a lady whose heart many would claim is the color of gun metal, Martha really manages to tactfully handle the process of grieving for a pet (although her wrapping the corpse is, admittedly, mildly creepy).

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The Best Links:

1. In Loving Memory (1995-2008); Martha’s Photo Essay of Paw Paw
2. “A Truly Stark Portrait of Grief and the Saddest Thing Ever.”
3. “As is Probably the Fashion in Her Native Country of Planet Waspycash, Martha Decided to Elegantly Wrap Paw Paw’s Body in a White Sheet, Replete With a Beautiful Silver Gross-Grain Bow”
4. The Dog Whisperer Teaches You How to Deal With the Loss of a Dog
5. Somehow, Dlisted Manages to Provide Mildly Inappropriate Commentary
6. Paw Paw’s Death Resonates Through All of Upper Westchester