Banned In The USA: 12 Forbidden Products
We may be a free and open country, but there are still plenty …
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Good to know if you're visiting, or if you just have a passing interest in what the kids are doing with their hands these days. This is pretty exhaustive, so you can consider yourself well-informed.
This is an actual news report about Vodka Tampons: “You could do this, stand up, fall, crack your head, and die.” & Beer Bongs: “Children, kids are doing this into their anuses. Jim, you have an example there…” Well, you'll certainly pass a Breathalyzer.
http://www.asylum.com/2009/05/26/bizarro-game-of-strip-va...
It's like strip poker, but way more likely to get you arrested. Joshua Sizemore, 23, and Amanda Madison, 18, were caught throwing rocks at cars from a bridge. They were down to their underwear at the time of their arrest because the exciting game they'd invented involved losing an item of clothing for every headlight they managed to bust. Sounds fun!
A NYT photographer films kids' expressions as they play video games. It's weirdly existential and also more animated than you would think—except for that one sad girl. Someone needs to send her Wii Carnival Games.
Tech Buzz Tavi is a twelve-year-old blogger whose tragically hip musings, iconic sense of style, and actually funny sense of humor (her favorite foods are “raspberries and hipsters”) somehow make us even more embarrassed when we remember how we behaved at that age (although fart jokes still count as funny…right?). It's as if Angela Chase and Juno had a baby that was outfitted by Amelie and tutored by Amy Sedaris and Miranda July. Hipster mindf*ck!
Culture Buzz Producers likely inspired by the jaw-dropping profit of High School Musical are debuting in this new musical led by a cast comprised exclusively of teenagers. Written about a New York-bred kid whose family picks up and moves to Indiana, the bar mitzvah boy (yes, seriously) has to deal with adjusting to life in a brand new school. And with the website touting players based on stock characters like “gossip,” “jock,” “beauty,” and “wannabe,” parents in the audience can expect to be involuntarily overcome with memories of acne, bad fashion, and awkward dating rituals.
Why are videos of children causing themselves harm so endlessly amusing? Hate children? Go forth to YouTube and add your favorite.
Movie Buzz MTV — the same network that made bisexuality the basis for a game show — is remaking the 1975 cult classic. If Chris Crocker ends up as the “sweet transvestite,” we’re totally boycotting. (Oh, who are we kidding? We’re so watching.)
Culture Buzz Young men these days are turning to vasectomies because of pregnancy fears. Details magazine writes that simple vasectomy surgery is the new thing with young guys who don’t want to become fathers. Like tattoos, vasectomies are probably best followed-through on after at least a year of thinking about it, and/or never.
Tech Buzz A 14-year-old who talks like a chipmunk has YouTube’s fourth most-subscribed video channel. If you haven’t heard of Fred, don’t sweat it — you’re probably older than 14. And you may have an aversion to listening to someone screech instead of speak. But 270,000 YouTube subscribers can’t be wrong, can they? Can they!?
Culture Buzz A long-simmering YouTube meme: The boob punch. G4’s Attack of the Show categorizes the various types of boob punches, from the comedic mis-slap to the potentially tissue-damaging. Disturbing trend or hilarious meme? You get to judge.
Business Buzz The restaurant chain best known for not serving Asians and smelling like old people is trying to woo a younger, late-night crowd by “playing rock after midnight, allowing servers to dress casually, and serving bar food like ‘potachoes.’” (Fried food with silly names - just like on Cheers!) They’ve also launched a site whereupon you vote for your favorite band, and the winner receives free Denny’s while on tour. So if you’ve ever thought about picking up a guitar, now might be the time. Just imagine: cheering fans, tireless groupies, and free mushroom swiss chopped steak. Every. Single. Day.
Culture Buzz Dolls made to resemble kids with Down Syndrome: politically correct attempt at inclusion or cringe-inducing marketing plan at the expense of kids? Some might consider these dolls offensive, but has anyone seen the Bratz dolls? Those things are straight-up creepy. (Honestly, when did little girls start aspiring to look like drag queens? Oh yeah .)
Tech Buzz The omnipresent video site has debuted a new feature, which allows for interactive commentary layered directly into the clips. It’s like Choose Your Own Adventure, but without the requirement of turning pages! Kids get it so easy these days…
Science Buzz Childhood obesity rates among American kids may have finally leveled off after years of rising steadily. Perhaps parents have finally learned that three cheeseburgers isn’t going to help Jack and Jill climb the hill to fetch a pail of water (unless, of course, it’s a pail of cheeseburgers).
TV Buzz MTV’s spinoff to My Super Sweet Sixteen will send fan “favorites” to third world countries, where they’ll learn truly valuable lessons in how to be less terrible human beings. With The Paper receiving rave reviews across the board, it was only a matter of time before the network reset their focus on the crux of their most successful programming: spoiled brats.
Celebrity Buzz Instead of MySpace, this time revealing photos of the Disney star are appearing in the pages of Vanity Fair. Cyrus is now calling the spread, shot by Annie Leibovitz, “embarassing,” though the magazine says she and her minders signed off on all the images when they were taken and that the shot is simply “artistic.”
Culture Buzz A new study found that some children are frightened by clowns. Yep, you read that right: Apparently, grown adults doused in white make-up and bright suspenders who shape balloons into phallic barnyard animals with their over-sized gloves may not necessarily charm naive, vulnerable young children.
We may be a free and open country, but there are still plenty …
GOING VIRAL ONMainstreet
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