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   The Minnesota Vikings Game -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- The Joplin, MO Tornado

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Source: @billmaher

Musicians have always loved the Jesus look, mainly because it obviates the need to cut your hair and shave. But which ones also embody the spirit of the messiah?

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Via: dailymail.co.uk

Oh New Zealand, you so crazy. A progressive Anglican church in Auckland put up this provocative billboard for Christmas.

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Jesus Christ of Nazareth would like to take this opportunity to refute Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry’s most recent TV ad.

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Source: jesustoasters.com  /  via: styleforum.net

Source: jesustoasters.com  /  via: styleforum.net

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Thought experiment time. Let's suppose you're a very popular deity. Something in the neighborhood of two billion people look at you as their guy (or girl, if you have a vagina whilst conducting this thought experiment). Years ago you sent your son to Earth to die for the sins of the world, thus saving humanity by opening the gates of heaven. Now I'm not sure why you, as an all powerful deity, couldn't just clap your hands (or deity-equivalent appendages) and say, "Boom. Y'all saved," but that's beside the point. Once your son died and rose again and all that, you made sure everyone knew that your plan was for him to come back to Earth at some future time and that his coming would bring your kingdom. So if you were going to do this - send Jesus back to Earth to usher in your kingdom - how would you do it? What type of person would you send?

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The answer is obvious. For visibility's sake you would send a politician, a musician, an actor, or an athlete. There is no fifth choice, though magician who performs actual magic did cross my mind as well. So don't feel bad about that. Unfortunately the world of politics would make it impossible for someone of pure "goodness" to find any success. The job simply won't allow it. Duplicity is the name of the game. We all know Christian music is immediately marginalized, so musician is out. And acting? Surviving in the sinful cesspool that is Hollywood? You jest! The obvious answer is that he would come back an athlete. And not just an athlete, but he would come back as an athlete that plays the most visible, leader-identifying position in the most popular sport in God's favorite country. He would be a quarterback in the National Football League. The league caters to the heavily Christian middle of our nation, but has enough universal appeal that his message would get everywhere. Jesus would be a Christerback.

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So now that we all agree that Jesus would undoubtedly come back as a quarterback in the NFL (I know what you're thinking, and you're totally right. My logic is impossible to dispute.), the next question is, how would you (as that totally awesome deity) best position your returned son-slash-quarterback to deliver your message? Well first, he'd obviously have to be extremely devout. And not in that faux-devout, "tweet about God blessing us every morning, while lying in bed next to a different groupie every day" sort of way that athletes are sometimes known for. No. This would have to be different. He'd have to be good looking, and yet adamantly virginal. Someone who can pray both publicly and loudly, but be successful enough on the field that people have to hear what he has to say. Hmmm that sounds familiar.

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So you have your devout quarterback. Great! You are well on your way to having your own real-live second coming. You are really great at this being a God thing. I haven't heard of one tragic hurricane or war breaking out on any of your watches yet, and that cannot be applauded enough. Anyway, the problem with your devout quarterback is that despite his success on the field, his praying and uber-Christian rhetoric will still put people off. So how do you bring those people along? Maybe you make your quarterback terrible at all the things that traditionally make a quarterback good, but allow him to find ways to win. At first it will be treated as a joke. "Can you believe this guy won that game? He's terrible!" But if he keeps doing it... If he keeps winning every close game, week after week, then slowly but surely people will come around. Right? If every week your Christerback was faced with long odds that should be impossible to overcome with his talent level, but each time he found a way to overcome them, how would the media begin to spin it? Wouldn't they start to call these events miracles?

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Oscar Ramiro Ortega-Hernandez, or as he is better known, the man who shot at the White House this week, recorded a direct-to-camera manifesto. The highlights? He thinks he is Jesus and wants to be on Oprah. Here's the best clip

Source: clusterflock.org  /  via: clusterflock.org

You can listen to the whole thing here.

Source: guardian.co.uk

Via: rawstory.com

Bill Maher says that the “promiscuous” Republicans wouldn't even elect J.C. as their Presidential candidate.

This is hilarious.

Via: christiannightmares

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   Ah, the classic Bobblehead Jesus. You're not prayin' right unless you have this stuck to your dashboard.

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Watch a retro cartoon Jesus use some Merlin-like moves to put a hurtin' on those heathens in this weird documentary I found on YouTube. So SCARY!

This high-speed RC car travelled 365 feet over the surface of a pond.

Just because someone says they’re religious doesn’t mean they’re a good person. Correct me if I’m wrong, but did Jesus frown on lying? ( via )

JC uses his laser vision to destroy all evil things in the world. Naturally.