Jesse Helms Dies On July 4th

Politics Buzz The North Carolina senator and Conservative superhero (dubbed "Senator No," for his opposition to...well, everything) passed away of natural causes. Maybe we're hopelessly romantic, but it wouldn't surprise us if, on every Martin Luther King, Jr. Day (which Helms opposed), if you listen really carefully, you'll be able to hear echoes of racial slurs and homophobic slights emanate from the senator's grave!

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   “If You Hate Long Enough and Hard Enough, You Can Go to the Very Top of the Washington Garbage Heap”

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   “I Think All Men Are Equal, Be They Slants, Beaners, Or Niggers” - Jesse Helms At His Finest

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   Jesse Helms Dies On July 4th [America Wins!]

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