CULTURE BUZZ: Church signs that make me happy to live in a Christian nation. And by happy I mean dangerously depressed. I love when God talks to me through vinyl lettering.

The Best Links:

1. God’s Talking To You

CULTURE BUZZ: Did you know that you could have sex with a porcupine in Tacoma, but not if it were clinically obese? Incidentally, forget about it if you’re in Florida, where sex with porcupines is — you guessed it — prohibited. Also, you’ve got to wait until your married to have sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend in Georgia. However, if s/he’s your cousin and you’re both over 65, head to Utah where you can get married — two birds, one stone!

The Best Links:

1. Top Ten U.S. Sex Laws
2. Beck: “Sexx Laws”

CULTURE BUZZ: When the body of the Private First Class was returned to her parents in Missouri from Iraq, LaVena Johnson’s father called bullsh*t on the Army’s claim that her death was the result of a suicide. Footage clearly indicates that, in reality, Johnson was likely beaten, raped and murdered (in fact, a trail of blood was photographed outside her tent). The Army, however, has refused to provide further information regarding the case, proving that, even in an “army of one,” it’s not hard for a soldier to be easily forgotten if she isn’t a white male (or, better yet, a star football player).

The Best Links:

1. LaVena Johnson: Murdered By Her Colleagues, Ignored By The Army
2. The Pfc. LaVena Johnson Petition to Re-Open the Investigation
3. “The Case Was Investigated Thoroughly and There is No Case to Reopen,” Says a Defense Department Spokesman [Also, Johnson’s Genitals Were Allegedly Doused With Acid, So…Yeah, No Evidence Of Foul Play Whatsoever]
4. “When the Coroner Ruled Her Death a Suicide and Failed to Include Any of the Physical Trauma in His Report, Dr. Johnson Told Him, ‘somebody Murdered My Daughter and You Picked the Wrong Person to **** With.’”
5. Even Pat Tillman’s Mother is Suspicious

TV BUZZ: And it all comes full circle as VH1 rounds up contestants fromFlavor Of Love, I Love New York, and Rock of Love to compete for $250,000. Between all the contestants, the amount of collagen, silicone and eyeliner might officially make the set of I Love Money a toxic wasteland (in every sense of the word).

The Best Links:

1. People Want Attention And “Cold Cash” [How “I Love Money” Works]
2. Would A Show By Any Other Name…
3. Which Orange-skinned People That You Vaguely Remember Will Appear On “I Love Money”? Look No Further…
4. VH1 To Finally Shake Off Pesky “Plot” Middleman
5. “VH-1 Streamlines Their Reality Shows—Finally Shows Their Reality”
6. Skanks, Trannies, and Bawlers! Oh My!