It says so right there in the email. Jake Tapper, where is your stupid Twitter when we kind-of mildly care?

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The Best Links:

1. via The Awl
2. also via DListed
3. and Gawker too

CELEBRITY BUZZ: Stupid kinda-feud alert! On the prospect of Lindsay Lohan playing her in a biopic, Stevie Nicks said, “Over my dead body. She needs to stop doing drugs and get a grip. Then maybe we'll talk.” Tough talk coming from a witch. Now, is it us, or are these ladies slowly looking more and more like one another?

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The Best Links:

1. Stevie Talks to the Times
2. “Stevie Totally Crushed Blo’s Dreams Which Caused Her to Grab a Straw and Snort ‘em Up!”
3. Everybody Hates Lindsay

Silly American Apparel…hipsters don't need babies! Wait 5 for $20? How many babies for a dime bag of coke? That might spark up some interest…

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The Best Links:

1. American Apparel Has Gone Too Far

Your second-favorite Ronson uploaded this picture of her “Hollywood” birthday cake to Twitter. Is that supposed to be a turntable? That seems a little tricky logistically.

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Touch your hand to the screen if you're doing cocaine right now. Everything Is Terrible leads us down another wonderful path.

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CELEBRITY BUZZ: The British bopper has encountered a whirlwind of controversy regarding an interview in which she commented on the media's sensationalism of drug use, claiming that she knows “lots of people that take cocaine three nights a week and get up and go to work every day, no problem at all.” In response, cokeheads everywhere rejoiced, giving two trembling thumbs up before furiously searching for the drum 'n bass remix to “Smile.”

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The Best Links:

1. The Interview In Question
2. Hey, Lily Allen Wrote a Song About Anti-depressants

Link: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/06/sci...

Turns out cocaine makes bees “exaggeratedly enthusiastic about things that might not otherwise excite them.” They also love to dance! Bees: they're just like us.

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TECH BUZZ: The Mumbai terrorists used cocaine to stay awake and multiple Blackberrys to map out their attacks. They were also mostly dressed in trendy t-shirts and jeans and did nothing to protect their identity. Whoever the attackers were, they were also down with Twitter: media outlets asked victims to stop tweeting during the sieges for fear that it would provide the terrorists with extra information.

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The Best Links:

1. Terrorists used Blackberrys, GPS systems, and multiple SIM cards
2. Terrorists did cocaine to stay awake (and LSD for fun?)
3. Versace logo on one attacker’s shirt
4. Twitter was a key-source of real time updates during the attacks
5. Round-up of the technology used
6. Amazing Mumbai Attack Photos - Featured on BuzzFeed
7. Google Terrorism Ad - Featured on BuzzFeed

The Rubik’s Cube - a toy custom-made for a generation of Wall Street douches on coke benders - apparently benefited from goop that could help you “see how fast you [can] go.” VH1 really missed the boat on this one. It could have been in, like, eleven episodes of I Love The 80’s !

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The Best Links:

1. “The Joke is Just Hanging Right Out of Reach, and I’m Too Tired to Jump for It.”

CULTURE BUZZ: Headline says it all. One caveat: The accomplishment must be “considered great by people who could pass a field sobriety test,” unjustly leaving music out of the question (Beatles?). Regardless, some pretty amazing things have been accomplished under the influence…Moses and ‘shrooms? Check it out.

The Best Links:

1. “The 5 greatest things ever accomplished while high”
2. Moses Was Tripping
3. Crick Was Tripping
4. Freud Was Coked Out
5. Coca-Cola and Coke
6. Dock Ellis Was Tripping

New video by N*E*R*D features young girls doing lots of things that wouldn’t make their parents proud. It’s basically a Cobrasnake slideshow, and Lindsay Lohan appears in it briefly. This pretty much sums up what I did last night. And the night before!

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The Best Links:

1. New N*E*R*D video “Everyone Nose”, featuring Lindsay Lohan (briefly) - WATCH IT
2. “Everybody Nose” is NOT the Song of the Summer (Despite Everything You’ve Heard)
3. This Song Is Kind of Awkward, but It Grew on Me
4. Watch N.E.R.D. Perform “Everyone Nose” On Letterman