In the latest round of Michael Jackson's weird stuff auctions there's a poem about doing it with children. It goes: “Children of the world, we'll do it, with song and dance and innocent bliss, and the soft caress of a loving kiss, we'll do it.” Note to the children: don't do it.

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The Best Links:

1. Michael Jackson’s Statues Are Not Helping His Public Image
2. More Creepy Crap Unveiled For Michael Jackson’s Auction

Link: http://www.goofyauctions.com/

Goofy Auctions compiles a daily list of some of the crazier auctions on Ebay. Also, if you’re wondering…those aren’t pubes. They’re mutton chops, duh.

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TECH BUZZ: A site that helps you auction off your bad investments to the U.S. government. Submit your shitpile, including what you thinks its value is, and browse through other piles people are trying to unload. If Washington is buying toxic mortgage securities, maybe they’ll buy your old copies of Cat Fancy magazine.

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The Best Links:

1. Bailout Satire
2. Recent Shit Added to Our Pile
3. Submit Your Shitpile

CULTURE BUZZ: The larger-than-life British artist made headlines (yet again) this week with a record-breaking auction. By cutting out the middleman (aka his art dealer) and taking his work—cows and sharks in formaldehyde, mostly—directly to Sotheby’s, the guy made $200.7 million in two days, breaking Picasso’s sale record from 1993. Putting animals in goo pays!

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The Best Links:

1. Someone paid $17 mill for a shark. Hahahahaha.
2. Damien slights his dealer, makes bank.
3. Bull Market for Hirst in Sotheby’s 2-Day Sale

A pair of old jeans in found in a mine in the Mojave are going for big bucks on eBay. Current bidding is up to $8,700 for the candle-wax-splattered but otherwise intact pair of 201 Levi jeans — fyi, the measurements run waist 34” and inseam 31”.

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The Best Links:

1. Old Expensive Pants!
2. They Were Found in an Old Paper Bag

A vintage Ferrari sells at auction for a record $10,894,900. I don’t usually get excited about expensive cars but this one is actually beautiful. When did all cars become so ugly? 1970s? 80s?

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The Best Links:

1. Slideshow On Autoblog
2. More On the Auction and Car
3. Classic Ferrari Photos