No One Cares
Do not read! All of our least-favorite trends, compiled in one place so you can easily avoid them.
The Best Buzz
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History Backlash
Culture Buzz First black presidential candidate! First Republican female VP candidate! OMG Michael Phelps 8 golds! We're growing weary of all the era-defining moments of the last few weeks. Seriously, can't we just go back to a regular, slow-news August? We're world-historically tired.
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Image: Not Another Dead Monster
The North Shore Sun received pictures of a dead creature that supposedly looked like the Montauk Monster. Three Long Islanders have testified to seeing the animal.
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Tomatoes Are Safe!
Food Buzz The FDA announces the Great Tomato Scare of Aught Eight is finally over. Thank god we all survived! For a while there, we couldn't even get beefsteak tomatoes on our pizza. Now the FDA is saying tomatoes might never have been the source of the outbreak to begin with. Watch out for those peppers, though!
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Ryan Shawhughes
Celebrity Buzz Ethan Hawke has married his former nanny in secret. Shawhughes was originally hired by Uma Thurman to look after the two children she and Hawke had together. Now the former nanny is about to give birth to her first child with Hawke, and his rep admits the couple was secretly married in New York last month. If only Sarah Larson had been so lucky with Clooney!
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Image: Mary-Kate Olsen Parties!
Candid photos of one half of the twin superduo partying have leaked on the web.
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Image: Apathetic Graffiti
It's just so rare that someone takes the time to write graffiti that amounts to "meh".
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Rachael Ray Dunkin’ Donuts Ad
Business Buzz An online banner with the ubiquitous Ray wearing a scarf that may or may not be a keffiyeh has been pulled after a conservative outcry. Michelle Malkin was shocked, shocked! Will Keffiyeh Gate rally the blogosphere to her fashion cause? Or has the scarf been passé long enough now that all she'll garner is a collective "meh"?
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Gross Birthday Parties
Celebrity Buzz Jessica Simpson celebrates Tony Romo's birthday by singing, flinging cake and posing for the cameras. We've heard good things about red velvet cake, but the blue stuff in these photos looks as though it might be Smurf-inducing.
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The Libertines Musical
Music Buzz Pete Doherty is reuniting with his former Libertines bandmate to write a musical for a well-known London theater. Good luck suspending your disbelief: The plot of this yet-to-be-written classic of musical theater will revolve around a young rock band struggling with fame. Maybe it will feature drug use? Stay tuned!
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Celebrity Memoirs
Celebrity Buzz Tori Spelling and Eminem both announce they're at work on their memoirs. New works from two of our favorite authors! Is this better than celeb twins, or should we give it the No One Cares tag?
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Animal Birth Control Campaign
Culture Buzz Just in time for the Westminster Dog Show, PETA launched a video campaign against the American Kennel Club, likening them to the Klu Klux Klan. In defense of the Grand Wizard, dude may done his fair share of lynching and torching, but no one ever said he wasn't an animal lover.
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Pancake Day
Food Buzz Not only is Feb. 5 Super Fat Tuesday, it's also Pancake Day. The date is so overdetermined that IHOP has broken tradition and declared next Tuesday to be National Pancake Day. Purists are sticking to the usual date since it's intended to be a part of the beginning of Lent. As news reports on the controversy note, "There is no word on whether IHOP has asked the Vatican to shift the timing of Lent."
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Green Rock Tours
Music Buzz Jose Gonzalez and Radiohead will make their next tours green. Fans can buy carbon offsets to go with their tour t-shirts.
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Book Mules
Culture Buzz Mobile libraries for those out-of-the-way spots. In Venezuela, burros carry loads of books to remote villages.
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Foot and Mouth Disease
Science Buzz British government confirms a second outbreak of this devastating animal disease. It's a funny-sounding name for a not-so-funny disease: even though humans can't really get it, it can potentially kill millions of livestock.
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Denial Of Service Attacks
Tech Buzz We hate stupid hackers. BuzzFeed was hit with a denial of service attack, which works by overwhelming your servers with traffic. And we thought we were just popular! Funny, just last month we heard DoS attacks were on the decline.
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The Case of the Disappearing $12 Billion
Politics Buzz $12 billion in shrink-wrapped $100 bills designated for the Iraq War goes missing. An intriguing whodunnit for the modern age. This one's a real headscratcher!
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Not Caring About New Orleans Again
Politics Buzz Things were starting to look up... Then the Saints lost, and the Katrina victims got notably dissed by the President. People never change, I guess.
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Chinese People Using the Internet
Tech Buzz Chinese web users grow by a third. Watch out! Those Chinese people are coming after that Time Magazine's Person of the Year award you so valiantly deserved.
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Carl Sagan Blog-A-Thon
Science Buzz Bloggers are commemorating Carl Sagan on the 10th anniversary of his death. Joel Schlosberg is calling all nerds who blog (the venn diagram of which looks like pretty much an all-inclusive set) to pay tribute to their favorite alien-obsessed pothead, Carl Sagan. So start blogging! You owe your atheism to him.
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