1. Soul mates do exist. Yours are your friends.
2. If you have a small apartment, storing clothes in your oven is perfectly reasonable.
3. If a man asks you to pee on him, you have every right to expose his habits publicly.
4. If you ever run into a friend’s ex, you must curse the day they were born.
5. Sarcasm feels really, really good,
6. Being scared of killing your own baby is normal.
7. If you attend a tantric sex workshop, be prepared for things to get messy.
8. Penises can be too small.
9. They can also be too big.
10. Self help books aren’t actually that helpful.
11. Some men are bad kissers and there’s nothing you can do about this.
12. If your friend calls you and asks you to come over, don’t send your boyfriend. Especially if she’s naked and he’s going to need to lift her.
13. If getting naked makes you feel insecure, visit your local sauna.
14. Don’t lie about what you do for a living. Especially about being an air hostess.
15. Monks are seducible.
16. Sometimes, no matter how many exciting plans you’ll have to turn down, it’s OK to spend a night watching shitty TV.
17. If you really love someone, you’ll tolerate him leaving tea bags around your apartment.
18. And he’ll shave his back for you.
19. Covering your naked body in sushi may sound sexy, but it’s actually just really messy.
20. Sleeping with your boss is a bad idea.
21. Sleeping with your divorce lawyer, however, is the best idea you’ve ever had.
22. If you cause another woman to fall down a flight of stairs and crack a tooth, at least accompany her to the hospital.
23. Cardboard babies are never funny.
24. If you’re having sex everywhere but your bed, something’s wrong.
25. If someone doesn’t call you, they’re not playing hard to get. They’re just not that into you.
26. In order to forgive, you must forget.
27. You should try anything once.
28. Shopping counts as exercise.
29. Being judgmental is entirely natural.
30. Dating is exhausting.
31. You should never pee in front of your boyfriend.
32. It’s OK to spend your money on what you want rather than what you need.
33. Life doesn’t work out quite like fairytales do.
34. Never, ever break up with anyone via Post It note.
35. One night stands can turn into relationships.
36. Even the most beautiful women have insecurities.
37. If someone calls you “a fucking bitch, a fucking whore,” end it.
38. Making more money than your boyfriend is OK.
39. Being friends with your exes is difficult.
40. If your shoes get taken from someone’s house, you have every right to demand they pay for them.
41. Never accept carnations as apology flowers.
42. Even if you don’t agree with your friend’s life decision, you have a duty to be there for her.
43. Having babies isn’t a race.
44. Neither is getting married.
45. And when you do get married, make sure you don’t change who you are.
46. The laws of the universe dictate that whenever you look and feel shit, you will bump into your ex.
47. Never give up on love.
48. You’re fabulous.
49. A round of cosmopolitans can solve most problems.
50. Putting yourself out there is hard. And it doesn’t always pay off.
51. Your wedding should be exactly as you want it.
52. Committing to someone means tolerating his family. Even his overbearing mother.
53. You’ll make all sorts of sacrifices for love. You might even move to Brooklyn.
54. Eventually your hair will turn grey. All of it.
55. Sometimes it takes something really big (like heart surgery) to make you realise how you feel about someone.
56. Your high school sweetheart probably wasn’t all that.
57. If you’re really sad, eating cake out of the bin is OK.
58. If you have to trick someone into telling you they love you, it probably won’t last.
59. Try not to sleep with people who’ll rob stuff from your building.
60. Personal space is very important.
61. Impulse buying a chemical peel probably isn’t the best idea.
62. It’s vitally important to check your breasts.
63. If he’s willing to shave his head for you, you know he really loves you.
64. Gossiping is healthy.
65. Drunk phoning your ex is normal.
66. You should never change who you are because someone else has a problem with it.
67. There’s no point in worrying about what others think about you.
68. Love is scary.
69. Wanting someone unattainable hurts.
70. If you get cat called, call him out of it. Especially if he’s dressed as a hot dog.
71. Friendship is more important than most things.
72. Accepting loan money from an ex is more complicated that it’s worth.
73. Don’t let anyone judge you. Especially your housekeeper.
74. Relationships are between two people, and not even your best friends will ever fully understand yours.
75. Ecstasy will make you say all sorts of things.
76. Getting chlamydia will make you face all your old demons.
77. In life you’ll sometimes fall. Just make sure you get up again afterwards.
78. Love means doing whatever it takes. Even if that means converting to Judaism.
79. You should always love yourself more than you love anyone else.