1. When you left your GHDs switched on and then left the house.
“YOU COUD HAVE CAUSED A FIRE” — your very distressed mum.
2. When your Baby G beeped during a lesson.
“You can collect your watch from the staff room at the end of the day,” — your teacher, on the hour, every hour.
3. When you were on MSN and your dad wanted to use the phone.
“What are you even doing on that thing? Do you know how much this is costing me???” — your dad, every single evening.
4. When you spent all your money on ringtones from Mizz magazine because you didn’t realise you had to unsubscribe.
“How you could BE so stupid?” — your wearied mother.
5. When you didn’t press the eject button before removing your floppy disk from your desktop.
“Do you want to lose your homework? Do you? DO YOU?” — your mum.
6. When you drank too much Sunny Delight.
“You’ll turn orange, I’m telling you,” — your very fearful mother.
7. When you put highlighter pen on your fingernails because you weren’t allowed to wear nail varnish to school.
“You’re not allowed nail varnish for a reason. What makes you think sticky highlighter pens are any different?” — your teacher.
8. When your Nokia 3310 went off during school hours.
“I don’t care that it’s on vibrate, I can still hear it,” — every single teacher ever.
9. When you erased fountain pen from your work, but you pressed a bit too hard so your page went a bit fuzzy.
“Just learn how to spell, then you won’t need to erase anything, will you?” — your teacher.
10. When you stayed up late to watch Big Brother.
“Watching that trash will rot your brain. And there’s sex in it,” — your mum.
11. When you forgot to turn your Tammy t-shirt inside out before your mum ironed it, so the plastic bit melted.
“You’ve only yourself to blame,” — your guilty mum.
12. When you used the landline before 6pm.
“DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS IS COSTING ME? WELL, DO YOU?” — your dad, every evening.
13. When you borrowed your sister’s Ashlee Simpson album and scratched it.
“OMG I HATE YOU FOREVER,” — your sister.
14. When you ironed your hair because it was quicker than waiting for your straighteners to heat up.
“But you have such lovely hair when you leave it alone. Why would you want to ruin it?” — your mum.
15. When you made thumb holes in your school jumper.
“Have you any idea how much those things cost?” — your exasperated parents.
16. When you wore strappy tops, even in the winter, because you wanted to be Marissa from The O.C..
“I can see your bra, honey. YOUR BRA,” — your mum.
17. When you got heat spray all over your mirror.
“I JUST cleaned that. And I don’t know why you insist on straightening your hair anyway. It looks so nice when you JUST LEAVE IT,” — your mum.
18. When you flicked your fountain pen over someone else’s work.
“How would you like it if someone did that to you, huh?” — your teacher.
19. When you used a Tipp-Ex mouse to replace normal words with rude words in school text books.
“And I thought you were old enough to be trusted with Tipp-Ex. CLEARLY NOT,” — your teacher.
20. When you tucked your Etnies laces into the sides rather than tying them at the front.
“You’ll trip and die,” — every grown up you ever encountered.
21. When you insisted on taking part in your friend’s friend’s friend’s chain letter.
“But then STRANGERS will have OUR address. That’s awfully irresponsible,” — your mum.
22. When you were in the middle of an intense dance mat competition and your dad wanted to watch the football.
“Go and play outside. You’ve not been outside for days,” — your dad.
23. When you dialed 141 before a number to do a prank call.
“Don’t waste your credit. What if there’s an emergency?” — your mum.
24. When you asked to get your tongue pierced, because the girls in Thirteen had it and they were the coolest girls in the world.
“Don’t come to me when you’ve decided you regret it and ask why I never told you not to do it BECAUSE I AM TELLING YOU THAT RIGHT NOW,” — your mum.
25. When your New Look thong showed above your tracksuit bottoms.
“You’re beautiful. You don’t need to show your underwear to be noticed,” — your mum.
26. When you insisted on getting a Motorola RAZR and then broke it by dropping it.
“What did I tell you???” — your dad.
27. When you were late for dinner because you were playing Sims.
“I don’t care that you’ve got a new cheat, your dinner is going cold,” — your mum.
28. When you finished the new Harry Potter book before your younger siblings and told them what happened in it.
“I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN,” — your sister.
29. When you pretended to be stupider than you were because you wanted to be like Paris and Nicole.
“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re a clever girl,” — your dad. “It’s never cool to play dumb.”
30. When you stole the home phone to vote on Pop Idol.
“I don’t care that Gareth is your future husband, this is a premium rate number,” — your dad.