The 25 Stages Of A Massive Night Out

Oh the shame. posted on

1. You head to the pub after work, promising yourself you’ll leave after one drink.

2. On second thought, that would be rude. And you wouldn’t want to be rude. Another one can’t hurt.

3. Suddenly, you remember how funny you are. You should definitely share every joke you know.

4. Oops. Your conversation’s accidentally turned into a drinking game.

5. A very sincere, philosophical drinking game. You’re sharing feelings you didn’t know you had.

6. But it doesn’t matter because your friends are the best. They get you. They get 100% of you.

7. You know who doesn’t get you? Your ex. You should probably text him to let him know.

8. And you should call your mum. She’ll love that.

9. As last orders are called, and your conversation takes a surprisingly romantic turn.

10. So you suggest finding somewhere to dance. If you’re dancing, you’ll stop talking. Really, you’re just being sensible.

11. You’re not a good dancer, though. Vodka’s helped with this in the past.

12. Oh no, it’s made you shouty. Not dancey. Shouty.

13. You’re throwing drinks around.

14. You’ve lost your shoes.

15. And suddenly the club’s closing. This can only mean one thing: It’s time for a post lash.

16. And that’s where your memory ends. You wake up with severe head pain.

17. You’ve got to find your belongings and run away. It’s walk-of-shame time.

18. After a morning vom, you start on the carbs.

19. Unfortunately, they’re served with a side helping of flashbacks and regrets.

20. So you send a round-robin apology text and try to find out what you did last night.

21. But, really, you know the answer.

22. And you know the solution.

23. So you have a little hangover cry.

24. And vow never to drink again.

25. From now on, you will live a teetotal existence. Honest.

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