The 7 Different Types Of Foodie

What’s that? You’ve never sautéed your butternut squash ravioli in sage butter before? Weird.

1. The hipster foodie.

Most often seen uploading photos of her meals to Instagram as they slowly go cold, this foodie learnt everything she knows from online food porn. She owns at least three DSLRs and keeps them by the dinner table (which, BTW, is next to the window for the natural light). She’s on a never-ending quest to only ever eat new foods, her idol is Harry Stamps, and she dreams of being able to afford a sous vide machine.

Most likely to say: “Wait, don’t touch that. I haven’t Instagrammed it yet.”

Most likely to order: Deconstructed fruit punch.

2. The DIY foodie.

Ever since she went on that Hunter Gather Cook course, this foodie doesn’t believe in eating out. Visit her flat, and you’ll find herbs growing in the garden, cheese maturing by the window, and nectarine jam settling in the kitchen. She may live in inner city London, but that doesn’t stop her talking about the benefits of foraging. All. Day. Long.

Most likely to say: “But nettles are just so versatile.”

Most likely to order: Oh, she won’t eat out. How could she guarantee that the ingredients were ethically sourced?

3. The fast food foodie.

This foodie knows her Shake Shack from her Honest Burger, her Wishbone from her Chooks and her J. Sheekey from her Poppies. It’s fast food she’s after, but if it’s not buttermilk fried and presented on a flowchart, she’s not interested.

Most likely to say: “You don’t have chimichurri and jalapeño salsa? But what else am I meant to put on my burger?”

Most likely to order: A simple burger and chips. As long as the burger comes with avocado and malt tarragon aioli and is served in a sourdough bun and the chips are covered in grated parmesan and truffle oil.

4. The food-intolerant foodie.

So let’s get this straight: This foodie isn’t allergic to anything. But wheat makes her bloated, soy gives her eczema, and dairy just makes her, like, so lethargic. It’s not that she’s fussy, she just has a really, really sensitive stomach. Honest.

Most likely to say: “Gwyneth’s sooo right. You just don’t need cheese and wine in a risotto.”

Most likely to order: A pine nut polenta cheesecake with condensed almond milk.

5. The foodie who saw it on TV first.

If it’s not endorsed by a celebrity chef, this foodie isn’t into it. She spends her evenings watching reruns of Nigella’s golden days and she Sky Plusses every other food show ever.

Most likely to say: “I’m so glad you like your birthday cake. It’s modelled on the one Mary Berry did in Season 1, Episode 4.”

Most likely to order: Anything. As long as it’s from Jamie’s Italian. She <3s Jamie.

6. The gap yah foodie.

This foodie went traveling once so now he’s tried all the foods and knows all the things. His favourite activities are talking about authenticity of flavour, telling you that the concept of “wakiita” is absolutely integral to sushi making, and adding Post-it note alterations to his copy of Ottolenghi’s Jerusalem.

Most likely to say: “Actually, the Vietnamese say it like ‘BON-me.’”

Most likely to order: The ceviche and sweet potato puree. But then he’ll complain about how it’s actually not very authentic and he had a much better version at this underground petrol station-cum-pisco-bar in Peru.

7. The farmers’ market foodie.

Like the forager, this foodie gets up early on a Saturday morning to start preparing her evening meal. But unlike the forager, she’s a connoisseur of her local farmers’ markets. She knows exactly which stalls she likes her Humboldt Fog, artisan olive sticks, and Jewish artichokes to come from. And what this girl doesn’t know about using a smoking gun isn’t worth knowing.

Most likely to say: “This fish? Oh, it’s nothing. I just pan-seared it in a 150°C cast iron skillet for eight minutes. You could easily do it yourself at home.”

Most likely to order: Whatever’s in season.

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