The Definitive Ranking Of British Boybands, From Worst To Best

We’ve produced more than just One Direction, you know.

24. Union J.

Four words: they’re not One Direction.

23. G4.

 

What a boring band. Here are three boring facts about them:

A. They met at the Guildhall School of Music and Drama.
B. There are four of them.
C. That’s why they’re called G4.

22. The Wanted.

“All Time Low” may be (read: absolutely is) a banger, but eugh they’re so obnoxious.

21. Triple 8.

OH IT’S ONLY THE BAND WHO SANG “KNOCKOUT”, WHICH WAS LATER RENAMED “TWINS (KNOCKOUT)” AND COVERED BY A SOUTH KOREAN BOYBAND CALLED SUPER JUNIOR.

Yeah, I can’t remember them either. But they can’t be worse than The Wanted, G4 and Union J.

20. Westlife.

Those five Irish blokes who sometimes help Louis out during Judges’ Houses week on the X Factor, and possibly the most overrated boyband to have existed.

19. JLS.

 

EUGH SO BORING. All their songs are the same. “Beat Again”? “Everybody In Love”? “The Club Is Alive”. Identical. No differences. Soz, boyz.

18. Ultra.

Their biggest claim to fame appears to be that their second single “Say It Once” reached #1 in the Italian charts. But who cares? Look at the man on the right’s tan!

17. BBMak.

So named because their last names are Barry, Burns and McNally. Their biggest song was “Back Here”? Yeah, me neither.

16. Busted.

“What I Go To School For”, “Year 300” and “Air Hostess” may have made up the soundtrack of the mid ’00s, but those boys didn’t really look like they’d ever showered and that is very gross.

15. Phixx.

 

The boys who didn’t make the boyband who didn’t win Popstars:The Rivals. But they did have four top 20 singles, including one called “Love Revolution”, which I recommend you watch immediately.

14. 3SL.

The three Scott Lees! Who even cares what they sang? Lisa Scott Lee’s their sister!

13. Blue.

Via Getty / Ben Pruchnie

SIMON’S EYES! HUNKY DUNKY’S HAIR! LEE’S CHEEKY PERSONALITY! WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE? Um, Anthony Costa.

12. Northern Line.

 

That’s Ziggy (naked)! That’s Ziggy from Big Brother (naked)! And their big song was called “Love On The Northern Line”, which I still dream of finding.

11. Another Level.

Dane Bowers in a band!

10. 911.

 

“Get ready, tonight / Gonna make this a night to remember / Get ready, oh baby, tonight / Gonna make this a night to remember.”

AN ABSOLUTE CORKER.

9. Blazin’ Squad.

Getty / Jo Hale

It had 12 members! They were called things like Melo-D and Flava and Freek! WHY OH WHY AREN’T THEY STILL TOGETHER?

8. McFly.

A great band because they were all fit when they were famous and they’re all still fit now. Also “Five Colours In Her Hair” is good and catchy and good.

7. 5ive.

Getty / Jo Hale

<3<3<3 ABS <3<3<3

6. A1.

Getty / Anthony Harvey

Here is a poem about Ben’s curtains:

Ben, I love your hair.
For you, I really care.
You’re like a cuddly bear.
Marry me, I dare
(you).

5. One True Voice.

THE MOST UNDERRATED BAND OF ALL TIME. One True Voice was the boyband created by Popstars: The Rivals, which also produced Girls Aloud. Imma put it out there: “Sacred Trust” is a million times better than every Girls Aloud song ever written.

4. Boyzone.

1. Their hair. 2. “When The Going Gets Tough”. 3. Their sexy Irish accents. 4. A young Ronan Keating. What’s not to love?

3. Take That.

Getty / Jo Hale

 

Containing Gary (sexy dad) Barlow.

Let’s just list: “Could It Be Magic”, “Never Forget”, “Pray”, “Do What You Like”, “Rule The World”, “Patience” and - lest we forget - “A Million Love Songs”.

2. One Direction.

Harry. Zayn. Louis. Niall. Liam. All five of these boys embody perfection.

1. East 17.

Because of their impeccable style. Because they named themselves after Walthamstow’s postcode. And because “Stay” is the best Christmas song ever penned. These lads are the clear winners.

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