1. You got off to a bad start when you turned up to your matriculation photo drunk.
Seriously, though, why was it in the middle of Freshers’ Week?
3. It took you the better part of a week to recover from your drinking society initiations.
4. You cried when you heard the Mahal closed.
After all, a pre-Cindies tactical chunder in its toilets had become a weekly tradition.
6. And a night at the Curry King was always followed by a hangover breakfast at Tatties.
8. You never quite made it up the hill to Girton.
10. Your home friends never understood why your terms were called Michaelmas, Lent and Easter.
11. You spent every bop avoiding stinky boatie chat.
12. But you did get enthusiastic about rowing once a year.
Just in time for the Boat Race.
16. And your porters.
17. You learnt to shorten every word.
Plodge. NatSci. Pidge. Arc’n’Anth.
20. As did getting five pennied.
22. In between all of the fun, though, you did actually do some work.
Sidgwick became your second home.
24. In fact, you did so much work that your DoS became your mate.
28. Not the UL, though. That’s one ugly building.
29. Deep down, you were a nerd. Even your pre lash was nerdy.
30. You couldn’t go to the Maypole without seeing everyone you knew.
32. You never understood why the Cindies DJ didn’t let a track play for more than 30 seconds.
36. There was a picture of you and Vas on the wall at Gardies.
And if the queue was too big, you headed over to the Van of Life. But NEVER the Van of Death.