The “Why Don’t You…?” section of Harper’s Bazaar, a tribute to former Fashion Editor Diana Vreeland, offers some of the worst suggestions that have ever been made. Herewith, the most bizarre 13.
13. Why don’t you…?
Because that would make me look like a witch.
12. Why don’t you…?
Because lazy summer picnics don’t smell like roses. They smell of cheese that’s gone off a bit in the sun.
11. Why don’t you…?
Because that sounds like a complete and utter waste of time. And I haven’t recorded my hopes and dreams since I was 12-years-old and wanted Max to dance with me at the school disco.
10. Why don’t you…?
Because I just cannot, in any way, conceptualise what an early nineties R&B party would look like, or how it would fit into my four-room flat. And I don’t understand the second half of the question even slightly.
9. Why don’t you…?
Because Polaroids cost like £1 a picture. And I already know what I look like in my clothes.
I don’t own a dog, but I just Googled this and a dog t shirt from Mulberry costs £70. £70!
7. Why don’t you…?
Because eating a picnic indoors sounds terrible. When you’re cold, you want hot food, no? And anyway, I definitely don’t own vintage cutlery or white linen tablecloths and I just don’t know what a majestic candelabra looks like.
6. Why don’t you…?
Because then I would lose all my friends.
5. Why don’t you…?
Because I obviously don’t have a family crest. Surely the target audience of this post is too niche?
4. Why don’t you…?
Haha. Because children break things, pop-up books bear no relation to digital worlds and I’m not convinced three-dimensional thinking is a thing.
3. Why don’t you…?
Because I just don’t dedicate enough time to thinking about being an island to justify needing to remind myself of that fact.
2. Why don’t you…?
For so many reasons. Because I’ve never attended an event at which both Smarties and champagne were served. Because if I were to attend an event at which both Smarties and champagne were served, I think it would be poor etiquette to start dropping sweeties into my drink. Because Smarties only come in a very limited palate of colours, and so dressing to make this feasible would be overly complicated.