1.If you really want to make yourself look like a manufactured product, leave your feet alone.
2.Large heart tattoos that say "FAMILY" across the middle of them belong exclusively to tramps who walk dogs on bits of old rope.
3.If you beat up your girlfriend, it's probably not a good idea to permanently ink her battered face onto your neck.
4.Large, blackening roses are not poetic.
5.George Michael isn't cool.
6.Avoid being too big-headed.
7.Erm, in the UK, "minge" isn't a cute nickname.
8.Of all the sea creatures you could permanently mark onto your foot, teeny, tiny dolphins aren't the best.
9.If you're going to insist upon circling your entire left eye with a garish pattern, make sure you copyright it first.
10.Inscribing meaningless nouns in the font Old Fashioned is unattractive. Adding a large lion will not improve the situation.
11.Homes are for living in, not drawing on backs.
12.Teenage boys and Native American chiefs aren't a natural pairing.
13.Please, for the love of god, LEAVE THE INSIDES OF YOUR LIPS ALONE.
14.There are better ways to express an enthusiasm for geography than by tattooing the longitudes and latitudes of your childrens' birthplaces onto your arm.
15.If you want to get a tattoo in a foreign language, pay Google Translate a cheeky visit.
16.If you headbutt your wife, accept that she's going to want to divorce you. Don't tattoo her face onto your right calf in an effort to win her back.
17.Even if Rod Stewart's your dad, tattooing "Daddy's Little Girl" on your lower hip is creepy.
18.Never tattoo your face onto your back.
19.Barcodes are for food items, not pop stars.
20.And ice creams are for eating, not getting permanently etched into your cheeks.
21.If you're older than 5, you shouldn't like SpongeBob. If you're younger than 5, you shouldn't have a tattoo. SpongeBob tattoos should not exist.
22.Don't lie.
23.Do a bit of planning first. Tattoos r 4 lyf.
24.If you're a grown man who likes Hannah Montana, you should lock yourself away.
25.Leave your eyelids alone.
26.Don't ever (EVER) get your husband's name tattooed onto your wrist. When you divorce, you'll only end up crossing it out.
Or changing the name "Winona" to the name "Wino."
27.Don't design your tattoo when you are 12 years old.
