You’ve been promising to go home for months. You can’t avoid it any longer. It’s time to hop on that train.
2. Within moments of walking through the front door, you’re fixing someone’s phone.
3. Your reward? A running commentary of every grainy photograph they’ve taken in the last 12 months.
4. You soon discover that your bedroom has been entirely redecorated…
6. To compensate, your mum tries to give you every item of clothing she’s thinking of throwing out.
7. Followed by all of her old glass ornaments and wall hangings.
9. Someone has a new, problematic dietary requirement. This causes a lot of stress.
11. … telling everyone that you don’t plan on moving back home anytime soon…
12. … and that you don’t know why you’re still single, thanks so much for asking.
13. It’s time to empty the dishwasher. Stress levels hit a new high as you fight over who should do it.
14. Meanwhile, your parents have more questions. Have you put on weight?
18. You have never heard any of them before so they are very interesting and not at all repetitive.
19. At this point, at least one of your parents will overshare and you’ll learn something you really didn’t need to know.
20. Then they’ll attempt to explain an incredibly complicated political situation in a single sentence.
24. So you’ll pop out to the pub. But not before your mum has reminded you to lock the door / close the windows / turn on the alarm. It’s almost as though she thinks you’ve never lived alone before.
25. The next morning, you’ll be dropped off at the train station 45 minutes early. You know, just in case.
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