1. Not understanding the concept of CLOSING TIME.
2. Ordering water instead of dessert and taking 3 hours to drink it.
3. Giving us more glasses when our hands are full.
4. Thinking we care about your problems.
5. Or that we want to date you.
6. Complaining about the food. We didn't make it. We don't care.
7. Inability to READ THE MENU.
8. Spending £9.50 on a cocktail and then not tipping.
9. Allergies. Particularly gluten allergies.
10. Getting a meal you didn't order (we all make mistakes, OK?) and then eating it anyway.
11. Instagraming your food.
12. Splitting a bill 900 ways.
13. Children. Your kids are gross.
14. Offering us advice on how to do our jobs. We carry food and put it on tables. We get it, OK?
15. Fake tips.
16. Or leaving us your coppers.
17. Seriously, if it's not cash, we're not into it.
18. Not moving your phone when we try to give you food.
19. This.
20. Entering the kitchen. Ever.
21. Talking to us when we're trying to write shit down.
22. Ignoring us because you're to busy snogging.
23. Walking out if we don't take your order within 3 seconds.
24. Ordering while on your phone.
25. Complaining about your meal once you've already eaten it.
26. Learn your lesson already.
