1. The ambivalent statement.
2. The unnecessary apology.
3. The needlessly self-deprecating comment.
4. The philosophical musing.
5. The classic cock and balls, with an east London twist.
6. The breakfast-based confessional.
7. The boyish insult.
8. The instruction to wait.
9. The seasonal forecast.
10. The unnecessarily nasty jibe.
11. The homework.
12. The delightful Sunday lunch instruction.
13. The Harry Potter inspired scribble.
14. The make-do tennis match.
15. The ironic list.
16. The wannabe Banksy.
17. The "your mum" rebuttal.
18. The thoughts of a dissatisfied Londoner.
19. The sartorial slander.
20. And finally, the bleak reality check.
