To be fair, people who read Zoo have the mental capacity of a particularly dim carrot.

A soccer miracle? Man City have spent nearly £1.5billion in just under 4 years on players, coaches and facilities.  It's a miracle they haven't won it sooner.

I think he was left there for being an awful interviewee. If he's this incoherent during an interview what must he have been like in the cell?

Wait. N-Dubz broke up a year ago? I am behind the times with my chavvy, rap group knowledge.

I tend to go with Mr Pink on this one.

Why is the authority figure Michael Barrymore?

”, it's safe to say that few people outside of the British Isles expect the Blues, whose disastrous EPL season means they might not even qualify for next year's Champions League, to pull it out.” Wrong. No one in the Uk expects them to qualify. “But it's good, because the best teams all won, as they tend to in this tourney,” Wrong again. There are plenty of times when an underdog has made it all the way to the final and won it. Liverpool in 2005 and Porto in 2004 (who played another massive underdog, Monaco, in the final). After the group stages it's a knockout competition which means even the best team can have a bad day and get knocked out. Why would you want the best teams to win all the time anyway? It's much more interesting to see a smaller team take down some of the giants of Europe.

I don't get it, world. They aren't even that big here in the UK.

This is the first time I've ever seen Kate Upton and I hate myself for leaving it this long.